Reviews for Nonsense - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Nonsense - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

asylum writer 2008-02-11 ch 1,	abuseI like the creepy and mysterious mood. It helped to portray the narrator's anxiety. I want to know more about the people and animals she can see. Your descriptions and images are good, but be careful not to use so many that it becomes hard to follow. I'll be interested to see where this goes.
Esther Jade 2008-02-10 ch 1,	abuseReview game! I thought you portrayed your main character well. The tension between her belief in what she sees and her fears of madness are well-conveyed. I like the dramatic imagery in your writing but sometimes I think you use a few too many images and it becomes over the top. Example: Dark liquid dripped out, its smooth droplets leisurely dripping into the faded, cheap carpet like broken notes to a discordant melody. I turned my face away, nearly swallowing the mound of my white hair in the process. I was startled to find that it looked like dozens of glittering spider web strands in the bleached glow, and I fumbled with the power button on the remote, as if to erase the image. These two images are much too close together. It's good to have arresting images but if you have too many too close together it dulls the effect. I enjoyed this chapter - it was quite fascinating. I grew up on Irish folklore and fairy tales so it was very exciting to see someone else putting it into a story. Though, as far as I aware, there aren't any high holidays in early May. The times when the Fae are closest are over Samhein and Beltane (not sure about the spelling) and they correspond with Christmas and Halloween. Could be wrong though - it's been a long time since I delved into my collection of all things Irish. As a consequence of using the Irish-type concepts, the plot strikes me as quite original. Even though the idea seems sort of similar to the Nightwatch books, the feel is very different. Minor issues: around partially - I think there should be an "it" between "around" and "partially" the mound of my white hair - I think this "the" should be an "a" worse limitations - I think the "worse" should be "worst" negative reaction by people - I think this "by" should be "from" They were all just of memories - Should this "of" be here?
tibetan-knight 2008-02-09 ch 1,	abuseOh, my. How very lovely. You have a very great writing style. I absolutely love the recurring metaphor about music. And you give your reader great insight into your character's anxieties and personality. I love it. PLUS, my biggest peeve is when writers end on something shocking without properly baiting their readers first. And you have, in fact, baited properly. Lol. I believe. And I adore this line: "It was all just as well, I thought as the light flickered and buzzed on. I would make a terrible queen. A terrible queen for terrible people." Soda?? Psh... Pop reigns in the heart of the Midwest!
Equilibrium 2008-02-08 ch 1,	abuseThis is brilliant! I love your descriptions! I guess we didn't get a totally clear idea of the protagonist in this chapter, but that's perfectly fine in an introduction. Way to go! This story is going on my alert list pronto!
KnittingKneedle 2008-02-08 ch 1,	abuseTabby! Wow...really nice start, I was wondering why people had reviewed for like six chapters till I realised you were revamping! Oh it's creepy...the odd people and the animals as a child, reminded me a bit of the little girl from the others seeing things. I think the chapter starting with Absurd could have been broken down into that part and 'when I was younger' just to make it easier to read and to follow. I like the element of mystery in this, not only in the 'ghosts' but also in the mother... The description is really very good, and I love the atmosphere created. The Fae bit felt a bit info-dumpish, but you kept a certain amount of mysery about it...and I do want to learn more, info dump or not. It's really very intruiging...and I'd love to see where you take this/ have taken it!
Fractured Illusion 2007-09-13 ch 6,	abuseTabby! You updated! :D Sorry I haven't reviewed up until now. Also busy, busy, busy. Anyhow: So far, it feels far too weird. If she seriously thinks her brother has run away (well I know she doesn't think it, but she is SUPPOSED to think it when people are around) she should be more... I dunno...sad? Not so normal about it? The matter is handed like it's ordinary and I don't quite like that. You start a lot of your sentences with nouns here. Gets repetitive. You know the deal ^^ "some reason tonight " and in the next paragraph: "I didn’t feel like slipping tonight " tonight, tonight. Unnecessary repetition. I have to say, I was quite disappointed up until the dramatic point of Brynn being dragged down. Before that it wasn't nearly as interesting as your chapters usually are. I wonder now how things will go, and if she will lose Brynn too, or if she will get to some other world or something. Keep it up ^^ - Frac
Blackeri 2007-09-10 ch 3,	abuseLovely chapter. I liked the description at the beginging and the Fae's 'game', just the right amount of cruelty. Somewhat hard to follow, but that's alright. Great cliff hangar though.
Imalefty 2007-08-31 ch 5,	abusewow, i totally thought that i reviewed this all the way through. i am sorry! i meant to... i guess i just forgot when i finished reading the 5th chapter. :O i love the character time. you've portrayed him in a way that's so out of the cliche that it makes him a likable character. :) he seems to be the only "safe" character sevenese has met... (at least... i THINK so...) i'm not quite sure yet what to think of brynn. you haven't made her dislikable yet, but she's not likable either. so i'm in a state of neutrality. :) hopefully more of her character will be revealed soon. some of your paragraphs got a bit chunky at the end - watch out for that... as we all know, reading on the computer can be harsh on the eyes. :P other than that, i didn't catch anything... i do wonder, though, why you changed the title. perhaps it will be revealed in later chapters... ^_^ update soon! -Lefty
FrankCastle09 2007-08-28 ch 5,	abuseI'm finally all caught up on your story and I really like it so far. I'm not big into fantasy as I mentioned before but this is really good and I look forward to reading more. Hope you update soon. :)
FrankCastle09 2007-08-25 ch 2,	abuseI really like this chapter over the first although it tends to loose the great foreshadowing from before. I think you do an excellant job of ending your chapters, the final line or paragraph really setting up for a mini cliff hanger and making you curious to find out what happens next, I really like that. The incubus parts are great, definatly like how its getting darker. I look forward to reading more.
FrankCastle09 2007-08-25 ch 1,	abuseI just joined review revolution and I was browsing through the names of the members, obviously you being one and thought I'd check out your work. Now, I'm not usually big on Fantasy esque stories but this isn't bad so far. What I particularly like in this chapter is the foreshadowing toward the end and personally I love the way you ended the chapter. I like that final line which really introduces a kind of menace into the story and puts you on edge, waiting for the next chapter. I think you've done an excellant job of really setting it up so as you don't know a whole lot yet but you really want to see whats going to happen in the story, where its going. My only complaint is that the story seems a bit confusing, at least at first toward the beginning. It was a little hard to follow but definatly picked up toward the end. I'll have to read some more and see what happens. :)
Otseis Ragnarok 2007-08-25 ch 1,	abuseOnar-> R.R. Well, that wasn't bad. Fae means faerie, right? I liked how the physical descriptions turned out to be important to the story progression. I also liked the family history and how everything was explained withoutanything seeming forced. Nothing was over-thought, it was almost like this required no thought at all to write (That was meant as a compliment). My one complaint would bve a doubt of reality that the music would be audible to your character. And the "performances" rather than chapters... brilliant! It fits with the theme of the story, as well as my assumption that these people she is encountering are gypsies...
Liviania 2007-08-14 ch 2,	abuse“No, I’m what you mortals like to call one of the incubus, and a rather powerful one at that. But let’s not dwell on the stories; I find them a rather depressing subject for an otherwise pleasant conversation, however realistic they are.” Oh my, and just when I was appreciating your proper acknowledgement of the Fae as capricious, you make a large fantasy mistake. Incubi are male. The females are succubi. I'm also a bit thrown about a succubus/incubus, a creature which seduces and then kills her/his conquests, making a magical construct. Particularly a magical construct which uses the bones of an air spirit. “I have nothing to give that you already have.” . . . that you don't already have. Just a small forgotten word. ^_^ 'You’ll have raked up some' I think you're looking for wracked, as raking is something you do to your yard. However, it seems a touch to modern for your high diction. “nothing much, Capital. You've still got lovely description, but you're missing a hook. I don't particularly like Sevenese, who has surprisingly little characterization despite your attention to detail. Livi
Liviania 2007-08-14 ch 1,	abuse'The curtains, a faded white, swelled with the entrance of a lazy summer breeze, and for a moment allowed a glimpse outside; of the bright . . .' You want a colon, not a semi-colon. Semi-colons require two complete thoughts. 'not of the capricious and at times mercurial' I'd leave out the "at times." Capricious and mercurial are too closely synonymous for one to be made conditional and not the other. 'I still had their same midnight eyes, didn’t I?' Awkward. You're imagery is fantastic, and I like the ominous tone of the last line even though it adds a touch of cliche. Try to spread the narrator's history and appearance out more instead of clumping it into a few paragraphs. Livi
Whit5000 2007-08-14 ch 5,	abuseDon't worry, Whirr, I'm even lata than you. I got lost a lot through the story... but ya writin style and description is beautiful, but sometimes it kinda dragged on (this is prolly what got me lost). The story was depressin, but still good. Good read, even if I was confused. lol.

Return to Top