sobrang COOL nitong poem mo Patreng! :)
Keep up the good work!

First off, I have to say I like the fact that you thank your reader after the writing is complete. It's a nice touch, I think I may start doing that.
Secondly, it wasn't as bad you made it sound to be in the beginning. You say it's a poem version, which makes me assume that you've written it as a short story? Either way, it works as a poem because you keep the reader guessing, but I think it would be great as a short story as well.