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| Solemn Coyote 2008-02-26 ch 1,  | abuse1) For some reason, my computer displays this story as a huge block of text. It's a little bit intimidating to read. That's my first critique. 2) "nd the door, which was of wood" should be 'and' 3)"there were princesses wearing grotesquly pink ball gowns just out of site." 'sight' 4) There's certainly a subtle kind of humor going on here, of which I approve. You do a good approximation of Lovecraft's style, substituting pink and fluffy words for squamous and slimy ones. In a way, that's kind of my biggest critique of this piece (which you are free to disregard, because it's kind of like critiquing a rock for being made of minerals.) Your humor comes almost exclusively from the word-substitution. It's subtle and clever up to a point, but I wish it was mixed in with other kinds of horror/comedy. 5) Apparently (and this might be my computer's fault, not yours at all) the story is copied twice, in its entirety in your post. Right after it ends, it begins again. And while there is probably some way to get horror from that, I'm going to assume it's a typo. 6) I generally do this thing where I scale up the harshness on my critiques based on the skill with which what I'm reading is written. My critiques here were scaled a bit. Mostly, I approve of this story. -SC |
| KassieOpia 2007-04-27 ch 1, | abuseNice idea, definitely. Especially the ending - very Lovecraft-esque... (and funny). There are some areas that could use a little polish, just a few spellings that detract slightly from the whole (panicing, existance, baulistrades), and repetition of some words (especially "grotesquely", unless that's deliberate?) but a well-done parody overall. Nice. |
| a sickened pup 2007-04-24 ch 1, | abusei really liked it lol lovecraft with my little poney i was thinking it was going hansel and gretal |