I thought it was PRETTY GOOD as much as I disagree with it; it was still good. It dragged on a bit, though. I mean you got the idea across and then it kind of just...kept going. and I'm not sure about the choice of names, haha? probably just me. anyway. i liked it. unique prespective. cool.

Wow you're an amazing writer and your work is so original. I think you'll be very successful when you grow up.

Wow I love this-I think of Angelina Jolie for some reason when I read this. I also think of how celebrities waltz into Africa and give children a lot of hope and...you know what? I don't know what happens after that.

Hmm, not sure if this is what you're referencing, but I know a guy who's working to help stop the spread of Malaria in Africa. Apparently, the best preventer is just telling people that Malaria comes from flies, but they're also working on cheaper treatments etcetera. It's interesting.

It's interesting. I don't really understand your choice in line change, and the format is not very attractive, quite frankly. You could try reformatting it, maybe aligning it into stanzas, or at least getting rid of the line breaks. I'm a little confused about the thin rich-boy legs. In most parts of Africa, thinness denotes starvation, so fatness is a symbol of prosperity.

Blech, it's difficult to analyze poetry from people who I don't know personally.

It's a good first attempt, though.

Ok, I can review. I don't know what to feel about these. I don't think they're very good, but I've gotten different feelings from other people. It would mean very much to me if you came and reviewed, flaming me...critiquing me...or anything else? It would be greatly appreciated.

Can I review my own story?