Action scenes are well thought out, 6/10 for execution (just so you don't think I'm smarmy or condecending - I think my action books are about a 7) . It's a bit confusing with the mixed points of view in the one chapter but if you somehow made destinctions between them I think it could work. Anyways, good job.

Decent, but seems race past getting a feel for the charcter of... Robert. I get that everyone has their own eye-speed, just as they have their own ear-speed for music but honestly, you need a few editing cycles to calm it down. (That's what I needed myself, before.) Let's see chapter 2 before we make any hasty judgements though.

i have one comment, at the beginning when u said the boy was 12 or 13 years old. i wanted to say that u cant tell by looking at a person the difference of just a year. maybe if u said a teenager or somewhere bw 11 and 14 or something i dunno but besides that its an interesting start. i dont read fantasy much though i do wish the chapters were less rushed.

Right-tee-oh.

You kept switching POV's abruptly that it got a bit confusing who was telling the story for the first few times.

More tense confusion... you went from past to present to past tense every few sentences. example:

"wouldn’t it be sad if a lieutenant were too... I don’t know... lost (should be -lose-) to a 12 year old?”

Word confusion, you used -thought- instead of -taught-.

Ok, so here's a bit of a big one. Your character's are supposedly 12-13 right? Wouldn't it be a bit dangerous (obviously considering what happened) for a 13 year old girl to be running around the city at 3am in the morning?

Sure she has an 'angel' who's more bent on fighting other angels ((lol who shout out funny stuff... his exclamation made me laugh, really, "Holy! They’re around me!" -something I expect from Captain Obvious))
but seriously... they're are a bit young to be doign what they're doing (and I'm usually all for this -power to the kids!- stuff)

Hey, the concept of the story is interesting. I've always been interested in angels mingling with us mere humans lol.

However there were a number of grammatical/spelling/typo errors that caught my eye as I read through this here first chapter.

You made a few tense mixes that made sentencing a tad bit awkward, and although you described your characters in an almost list-like fashion. I sort of felt that I didn't know much about this Robert... especially NAncy.

The dialogue was a bit stale... but that can be over looked.

I liked the escapist quality of action, your action scene wasn't too bad, perhaps your setting needs to be described in a bit more detail.

I like the concept of different coloured feathers doing different things, however where did he get these feathers? Why did he steal them?

And you overused the points of ellipses.

Otherwise, plotwise... it was interesting!

Hello there!

I have a few comments about this story:

1. Too many running sentences. The last paragraph was ridiculously long. I think you should cut it in several shorter ones.

2. You give too many unnecessary details when you describe. "A girl with long blond hair that reached to her waist, with ribbons on them. She was skinny with white skin. She ** an orange and yellow striped shirt under her open blue jacket. She ** a black skirt and blue sneakers as she walked in the streets of New York… she was turning 13 soon…She smiled as she walked with her friend as someone caught her eye… a boy around hair age with brown hair with a green schoolbag… his tan skin shining along with the sun as his muscles were visible through his whites shirt." Too many details! We can imagine things, and "less is more", as they say.

3. This Angel character is a little bit of a Mary Sue. I don't know if it was intended or not, but I think you should flesh out the character in a more realistic way. Even if he is an Angel I doubt that he could outmatch Senior Angels just because he is the main character!

4. In the second chapter you mixed Nancy's and Robert's POVs, you didn't separate them, and it was very confusing.

5. A grammar and spelling check is in order.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, it's certainly not my intention to upset you with my comments. I hope they help you improve your writing. And if they don't, well, you're welcome to smack me upside the head! XD

Until the next review!

" for wherever the hell this story is taking place"- You should know the setting of your story.
You use too many ellipes.
"A girl with long blond hair that reached to her waist, with ribbons on them."- That sentence confused me. At first I thought she had ribbons on her waist.

When I started reading this my first thought was "wow, this is eerily familiar to some of the discriptions in the story I'm working on."

It's very very good. However, I think you've over used the elipses and (just because I'm an English major) wore is not spelled "**."

I really like the concept behind the story and want to see where it's going to go.

That was amazing! I just love things about angels! thank you so much for the read! make sure to update and I love your writing style!