Just as good as when you first let me read it =) The only errors I noticed were minimal, but here are some that stuck out the most to me:

1.) "uncaringly" (Part I, Par. 3) --> There isn't such a word, so maybe replace it with "flippantly" or some other word that means the same thing.

2.) "bone-teeth necklace" (Part I, Par.3) --> "bone-tooth necklace" might sound a little better; it's still the same thing.

3.) "The male commoner stood silently, probably thinking Danasia thought" (Part I, Par.4) --> This still doesn't make sense...What do you mean by "probably thinking Danasia thought"? Of course Danasia thinks; otherwise, she wouldn't be able to talk or anything. I'm not sure what you're trying to say, so you may need to fix that...

4.) "She saw some beauty in the male’s amber orbs" (Part I, Par.4) --> Do you mean his eyes? If so, maybe specify that so everyone knows what you mean.

5.) "Amrin wasn’t even sure if he was going to get paid for the mission or if he was going to get paid at all" (Part I, Par.7) --> Change to "Amrin wasn’t even sure whether he was going to get paid for the mission."

6.) "The high nobles had supported the supplies for free, most of which was food" (Part II, Par.3) --> Rather than "supported," do you mean "provided"?

Other than that, everything else looks a-okay ^^ Great job!