First off, structure. I think stanzas would help this immensely. To get stanzas on here go to quick edit/preview after you upload the story. Backspace all the little breaks that FP makes then enter in carefully your own breaks. That should work, if it doesn't let me know).

Secondly, the repetition of "heart" in the first two lines just immediately throws me off this. Heart as an image is so cliched in poetry that when writing about it, describe it instead of stating it. The less you write the word "heart", the better the piece will be.

Try to spice up your language as well, some of the imagery feels quite cliched and tired, ie: "Those tears, salty and bitter/Burn their way down your skin"

Instead of doubling or tripling up adjectives, pick an adjective that's more specific and interesting too. All in all I think this needs a tight edit to inject some personality into it, something quirky and unique.

.:midnight:.