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| HelpWanted11 2008-02-22 ch 1, | abuseThat would seriously make an awesome 8 Foot Sativa song... Keep writitng, HelpWanted11 |
| Twilight Starr 2007-12-13 ch 1, | abuseIt descriptions the emotion well. Nice title. Good work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| Tytherpol 2007-05-29 ch 1, | abuselove dissapointed, huh? i think they're crazy. i think it's- if anything- love realized. but you know times will come-- yes, times do come (picture that, huh?) when people will look at you (as you look at yourself?) and being **-faced drunk preaching silly tunes to people who will forget them in five minutes won't be cool and you'll just maybe look back and hopefully laugh and not get depressed that you used to be like this. and i think you should find a hobby. a constructive one. i swear i'm not some sxe hippie preacher's kid who goes around trying to convince everyone she meets that peace and happiness are the only way to grow and prosper, i ** swear, but unjustified and unreasonable hatred (what a cliched term) just makes you look ignorant. love you, i'm sure. -tytherpol. |
| The Jynx of Kari 2007-05-08 ch 1, | abuseUm, um, um. I'll kick whosever's ** it was that ** you off just so that I'd stay in your good side. It sounds as if you're ready to kill. Damn! lol, enough with that. The point is that. . .hmm, lemme think. Well, there is a lot of poems that express hatred since it's so easy to write when you're feeling so strong about it. So when someone write about the good stuff as in love, frienship, we totally bash it and say "Why can't you think up of anyhting else?". . .Lost my point again. lol. Well, I guess I do like the fact that it expresses the pure vehement anger, but I feel if it was more lengthened and descriptive that it may portray a 3-dimensional image. Tho, to contradict myself, such short lines can express such blinding fury, but this poem makes it seem as if the person [character] was in full sanity without having any hindering thoughts. . . Imma stop before I go on rambling as if this is a PM. Keep working, __Kari |
| IXTwilightWolfXI 2007-05-08 ch 1, | abuse... not your best. it's way too common, i've seen alot like this. give it another go some other time. -Alex |
| WyrdWolf 2007-05-01 ch 1, | abuseOoh, angry. I dunno...I kinda liked the formatting of this one, but nothing really leapt out at me. Strong ending, though. Wolfie |
| Taltush/MeiMei 2007-05-01 ch 1, | abuseFirst of all, this isn't the most original of ideas. Obviously. Angst writing is one of the most popular styles today. The thing is, the short line "hatred" or "angry" poems are also very common. While as a general thing, they CAN be good, I'm afraid this lacked a pull and it lacked flow. By a pull, I mean that it didn't have any spark that made it original, special, and personalized. Some lines showed potential: "F*ck with me, I dare you". Those lines alone could inspire a whole different poem that I think would be of higher quality. The flow also bothered me. While short line poems are meant to be a bit sharp and jab-like, you DO have longer lines here that lack flow between them. The transtitions aren't too smooth either. My suggestion would be to try taking some of the better lines (those mentioned earlier, and "A brief description you say?") and turning them into a different, stronger poem. Try having a touch of something new and personal in it. You could even try to write a longer poem with longer lines (emotion that would be more solid, perhaps). These are just suggestions and one person's opinion. While I admire the effort, I think you should try to rewrite what you felt. |