FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Don Sullivan 2008-04-02 ch 1,  | abuseOh God, that's.. I don't know what to say. |
| fatbird33 2008-03-01 ch 1, | abusei like the first paragraph, but i'm not a huge fan of angst. but that's just me |
| concerto49 2007-08-12 ch 1, | abuseHm my refrigerator is loud here gosh. It was rather scary. Hm I don't life. It was tragic and all. I wonder. Makes me annoyed in a way. I hope you're better now. I feel that I understand, but I can't say for sure. Cheer up. There's hope! Whatever happens, don't give up. In fact you just haven't met your hope. You will. There's always a bright side. Anyhow. Do what you think is right! |
| Fractured Illusion 2007-07-15 ch 1, | abuseThe ending paragraph was a nice way to end this story and gave explanations, but the way you construct your sentences are a bit...unfavourable. There is a piece on this site called Writing with Diversity ( ) that helps the readers in the most effectieve ways and puts consciousness to what we usually don't think about. I recommend you to read chapter 3 to understand what I want you to better. "A knife sits on the in-table beside me and I pick it up, I also do this slowly." I do not like the construction of this sentence, before after the comma it sounds weird. Try to punctuate after the comma, or chage what follows after (ie A knife sits on the in-table beside me and I pick it up slowly.) It just doesn't flow well in the way it is now. As for the story itself, I did not feel that much. It was quite obvious what this was going to be about, which made it sort of generic. The ending makes up for it, as it actually brings feeling into this (I like feeling ^^). |
| fuunypinkfeet 2007-05-23 ch 1, | abuseinteresting... intence i like reading it |
| nightcat444 2007-05-03 ch 1, | abuseI'm sorry he cheated on you. I hate people like that. I hope that your alright. If you need to talk or something I'm here for ya! |
| Clover Peters 2007-05-01 ch 1, | abuseOkay, that's freaky, but if this actually happened to you... I think you need to go get some help, there are many other ways you can let out your frustration instead of hurting yourself. It may numb the pain for short moments, but in all honesty it probably isn't worth it. The way you wrote it it sounds suicidal! I'm sorry if that isn't how you'd meant it, but from my point of view...that's what it looks like! |
| Shadow Whirlwind 2007-05-01 ch 1, | abuseI don't see any reason to make fun of you. I understand the emotions Thanks for sharing. |