Reviews for Navigator - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Navigator - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

~courtney~ 2008-08-22 ch 18, anon.	abuseAH PIZZA SHUTTLE! j/k! these 2 chapters were very exciting. i think u should kill someone off to scare people. MWAHAHAHA! j/k again. ...u wanna go for some pizza!...
~courtney~ 2008-07-12 ch 16, anon.	abusei thought that eric was in love with riana but then u find out that hes actually her brother. i was like 'omg, shes in love with eric and not roku!' but its ok now.
~courtney~ 2008-05-30 ch 15, anon.	abusewow that was a short chapter! i liked the part when riana and roku were dancing. u could tell roku is falling in love with her. i felt kinda bad for callie too. the preview for the next chapter looks exciting!
~Courtney~ 2008-05-11 ch 14, anon.	abusewhat a GREAT ending to this epic battle! im so glad that Geejew was ok afterwards. i see in the preview that kaito is up to something.
Tsuki Rae 2008-05-07 ch 13, anon.	abuseI love this chap. Roku is ticked off! Please keep updating.
Baby girllll99 2008-04-21 ch 13, anon.	abuseI really enjoy this story so keep updating
~courtney~ 2008-04-13 ch 13, anon.	abuseO! ROKU IS GONNA KILL GEEJEW B/C HES SO ANGRY! GR! coolies!
horrorfan1 2008-03-26 ch 4,	abusei love it! i love it!
~courtney~ 2008-02-16 ch 12, anon.	abusethis is getting so exciting! Geejew is being possessed, so that means that he was good before, right? yeah. update soon!!
Bluish Mind 2008-01-22 ch 11,	abuseWEH... so cool and... cool?! and wow you used anime characters ^^ like Kaito's from mermaid melody, right? and Azuma kinda sounded really familiar I just can't seem to pinpoint what anime... and Roku and the rest too, or am I wrong? anyway... 2 stories down... um, how many stories are there anyway? nevermind... haha, the thing is I'll read them all... MWAHAHAHAHA...! ~(-^_^-)~ XD wow! the world(you know... the people who likes wealth) will surely fight over to have their own personal navigator... cool thinking. wonder what will happen if there's a real navigator, lol... it's great, like it... hm... what else, ah! you're a very omniscient author... great! can't wait to read the rest... ^^ P.S. um... what's your real name? hehe ^^ mine is... Divine. can I ask?... what's your real name 'cuz mine is Divine. so that from now on I can you your name... and one more thing... it's really obvious now that I'm quite a fan of your stories. hahaha ^^
storykeeper 2008-01-17 ch 11,	abuseSo Lord Geejew wants the Navigator, right? And Roku is very funny when jealous and in denial.
~Courtney~ 2008-01-17 ch 11, anon.	abuseah! rianas gonna find out where she came from. dont tell me anything about pt 2!! (i feel kinda bad for geejew too)
Shang 2008-01-17 ch 1,	abuseI gotta admit that the first thing that made me check out this piece was the fact that the summary reminded me of a story me and my friend are currently working on. After reading the first chapter, I must say that I'm rather thorn. The plot itself is pretty intriguing (and I do praise myself for judging the stories mostly on that aspect). however the style that it's written in leaves quite much to wish for. Now I'm not saying form is super important, but it's always more enjoyable when the story is written in a more... elaborated (I think that's the word in English) language. Frankly throughout the chapter you kept on using the same phrases, often not too far away from each other and that gives readers the impression of the plot being repetitive. Every once in a short while one of your characters (quite often one and the same) chuckled, shrugged or raised an eyebrow. Human mimic is much more complex then that and it's better to use a greater variety of facial and voice expressions then that or in stead use descriptions (surprise doesn't have to be shown by rising character's eyebrow, in stead you can write something of the sort: 'he repeated, giving the girl a surprised glance' or 'at hearing this, shocked expression crossed his face'... these are just simple examples from the top of my head). It'd be also better seen if you'd refer to each character differently from time to time besides using JUST their names. In this chapter Makishi could be refered to as 'man' being the only male around, Junna could be 'pregnant woman'... heck, you may even refer to them as 'his wife' or 'her husband' when they're alone. Now, I do not know how next chapters look like on that side (and I don't have enough free time to read them now), but I'd work on that. My advice is that you extend your word usage. English isn't my first language, so in my stories on this site I don't use any fanciful words, but even so it's better to not repeat over and over the same sentance (heck, in my language that's qualified as a grammar mistake!). That aside I think this story has potencial and I'll probably be back to read some more of it. I also hope that I did not offended you by this review, for that was not my aim. I merely offer constructive criticism for you and what you'll decided to do with it is up to you. Good luck with future chapters.
~courtney~ 2007-12-15 ch 10, anon.	abusehahaha! i loved the end of the chapter. riana is gonna pretend to marry the rich guy so they can get some money! this is gonna be interesting.
storykeeper 2007-12-11 ch 10,	abuseAnother great chapter! But I wish they would listen to Roku's gut feeling. Stupid logic and pride. Callie was great this chapter, she kicks butt! Azuma and Kaito were also very funny.

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