 Kiejay 2007-06-02 . chapter 1Is this sentence complete? "We do not sin because despise innocence or purity."
This part was EXCELLENT! "We sin merely because we live. We sin because we know that we will someday die. We sin to prove that we exist—indeed, the very byproduct of our existence is, for some of us, our soul reason for existence.
We sin to test our boundaries—similar to a recalcitrant toddler whose sitter has left the gate to the playpen open. The only question that remains is what happened to mankind’s babysitter?"
I really like this stroy and the twist at the end. The whole piece was extremly well constructed. |
 Cthulhu Is An Awesome God 2007-05-05 . chapter 1That was a very well done little piece, but you do need a little bit more information. I wasn't quite sure it was the reporter who was dead, and I'm still not sure waht the Gamma-091 is. Some kind of robot or genetically engineered thing? Also, I'm not sure if this is your fault, but the name of your story reminded me of the Alan Moore comic Watchmen, which also has the theme of Who Watches the Watchmen, and the rantings about the decay of the city seemed to come from Rorsach, a character from Watchmen. Also, Transmetropolitan's Spider Jerusalem's writing seemed a little like your main charachter. Probably not intentinonal, but worth pointing out. Anyway, just add a little more info, and this will be a good story. |