One grammatical error: "Now right the following" should be "Now write the following". Other thatn that the story was well fleshed out, the dialog movedthe story along at a very nice pace. Very impressive.

This is amazing! Have I ever told you how much I love you? Well you know, not YOU, just your brain and stuff.

I don't know why, but every single one of your stories tickles me so much.

Interesting. I liked it. You have a very conversational style of writting, which is a nice change in the horror section.