Wow! That was really good. Haunting.

:]

i love it i can total relate

Error wise all you I's are lower case and your I'll's look like ill's, but poem wise I really liked it. At first, the repetition got in the way and threw me off, but as I read more, it worked. Maybe i'm being brainwashed...

michelle

1. where you had a -

you could have put a comma

2. If this was a techno song...

3. cool

I won't point out any errors! I liked this. you're right, I couldn't quite catch the flow but it still was good! i still liked the words!

Nice! ]

its pretty good. and i think of it as having a rok-pop-ish kinda

beat...