FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| Anonymous 2007-05-11 ch 1, anon. | abuseIt's funny how different our experiences are. At your school everyone is all holier-than-thou. Me, I've been going to a Catholic school since third grade (currently in eleventh) and most students are kind of apathetic about Jesus. About half the kids at my school smoke weed and drink and do other very non-Catholic things. I like the style of this; it was very original, the way you phrased things. Sorry, I know that's not very helpful, but I'm really tired and can't articulate myself well at the moment. I really liked the last line. Nice job. |
| Jaye-Marie 2007-05-07 ch 1,  | abuseI really like this. The first half is my favorite, but that's not to say the rest is bad, just a little different and not quite my style. Good work! |
| RuathaWehrling 2007-05-07 ch 1, | abuseVery nice! I really liked this one. I was surprised, though, since many of the things you described people doing remind me more of younger children than high-schoolers. *shrug* But exaggeration and tunnel vision have their places in poetry, and here you used them very well indeed. I especially liked this line: "I fell into a pit of lions with \ High standards and low expectations." Very nice! And the examples you gave above it gave credibility to the statement. The only thing I have any real criticism about is a matter of style. Why did you choose to capitalize all the first letters of your lines? I mean, it's poetry, so it's not illegal to do so or anything, but I also don't think it added anything. And it DID detract something: it became difficult to figure out where one sentence ended and another began. My suggestion is to consider capitalizing only at the starts of sentences, rather than lines. It's okay to start a line lowercase, after all! Excellent poem! Thanks for sharing! --Ruatha |