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| M.J. Dawn 2008-01-19 ch 1,  | abuseWow I liked this, especially your last few words. 'But he was not a bad guy, remember?' Anyways, great work! --Marie Jane |
| concerto49 2007-08-03 ch 1, | abuseIs this in the form of a letter? I had issues reading it in one big chuck of a paragraph. I think a lot of dialogue and narration could have been spaced out. It felt a little too colloquial, though a touch like a folktale too. Perhaps the way it's written needs a bit of improvement too. Was Anthony a close friend? Yes, a lot of weird things happen in life, especially during school. Anyhow cheers. |
| angel953 2007-07-21 ch 1, | abuseinteresting...i do agree with the other reviewers that you need paragraphs and should correct some grammar mistakes... over all...i find the ending to predictable...i dont mean to be rude here but it just seems that its like a story that you would read as a child...bad things happens but in the end everything is good again and all live happily ever after dont get me wrong..i do like it i just think it could be better |
| Black and White Dreams 2007-05-28 ch 1, | abuseI agree with the other two people, if you divided it up into paragraphs, it would be easier to read. I liked it though, good job. ~Black and White Dreams~ |
| Alexz Lynn 2007-05-26 ch 1, | abuseThere were grammar/spelling mistakes and a couple of fragmented sentences you should edit if it’s not too late. Also, it should be broken down into paragraphs - even essays have paragraphs. Oh, and watch run-on sentences and maintaining the same tense throughout the story. (Sorry, I'm an English major...) |
| AluminumMuse 2007-05-20 ch 1, | abusePretty good, I like the ideas. You say Anthony too much, and this could be devided into a few paragraphs to make it easier to read. Still quite interesting, though. Keep it up. -Feather |