I think this story is wonderful.

great story :)

this story is so sweet... and the idea of it is really touching... i do hope that you continue to write other stories similiar to this... thank you

x.peach.blossom.x

Do you know how i could start writing to a soldier?
you know, like where i could get an adress or something?
I would love to get a chance to write to our soldiers overseas.
Dana

It ended before it could trip over itself, so kudos to you for writing something that was both short and bursting to the seams with the understated and the mildly stated.

Three cheers for Tobey! Once more your hero is a better person, (in a humanitarian way) even if the heroine is the narrator— they are uniformly self-absorbed, whiny and have a "hard c" in their name. More of your usual clichés: guy putting up with impossible girl, guy initiating contact, conservative heroine, and churches. One new innovation: everyone's a pottymouth.

Well-written but that goes without saying. Typos— ditto. This was a story with just one character: Tobey dominates every scene, every thought, but in a nicely credible way. He has a nice blend of devilish me-comes-first and tenderness.

But I really did like this one. It was exploding with WAFF, seen-it-somewhere-before, zilch on descriptions, but by sheer force of talent and inherent flair, it came off as fresh, arresting and likeable.

I find it great that you dedicated this story to someone you actually don't really know (if I understood your explanation right). You also did a very good job with it.

Now, the end note you left made me feel sad, but overall, the story itself was quite humorous. It had me laughing a number of times.

Still, there were some mistakes, especially at the beginning (the first two chapters, to be exact):

(the first word is how you wrote it, the second how it should be)

1st chapter:

your = you're ; you made this mistake quite a lot. Although, I trust you didn't mean to write 'your' when it would have been more logical to write 'you're'.

you = your ; same thing as with 'your'/'you're' - please take more care of that in the future.

2nd chapter:

your = you're ; once again the same mistake. It occurs quite a lot throughout the story.

condemingly = condemningly ; I'm not quite sure whether the way you wrote is correct, since a lot of people seem to write it that way, but I'm sure that 'condemningly' is written right.

3rd chapter:

"pizza & licked" ; I'm sorry to say, but it looks quite juvenile when you write & instead of 'and'. So, please, avoid using it. Unless it's a term that is in general written with the symbol.

"8 months" ; it's a general rule that numbers up to at least 20 are written out as words, although this doesn't apply when saying how old someone is (i.e., "He's 8 years old").

"she lay back" ; in this context it should be "she laid back".

"fattest ** kiss what will make" ; "...that will make".

"showed his interest" ; "shown his interest" - a matter of the context, again.

4th chapter:

excitment = excitement;

your = you're ; this happened in a couple of sentences... again.

he'd = he's; same as with the previous word. You keep phrasing it wrong.

"he buries" - "he buried", since you haven't been writing this story in present tense.

5th chapter:

"He's not known for being reliable, is her?" ; is 'her', really?

" "Kate shook her head in confusion" " ; somehow, I don't believe that either of them actually decided to say that out loud.

That's about it. There are two or three typos, but nothing serious. Now, I hope I wasn't too harsh with all those comments, and that you're able to understand what I meant to say. This story was an awesome read, and it really deserves to be written correctly. Since I get the feeling you didn't quite beta every chapter, I'll give you a last advie - please read the draft of every chapter at least once, so I don't have to come and pick you apart again.

I can't wait to read another story like this from you in the future. So, keep up the good work.

this got me really interested! i can't wait to finish the whole thing

hey, love the story so far. your writing style is alot like mine so i probably shouldn't criticise but yeah i thought this chapter was a bit too sudden because they didn't show any signs of liking each other before. But thats just my opinion. You're doing a great job though. thoroughly enjoying the story.:D

The story itself is really cute, although parts of it are kind of confusing and if you were going to edit it I'd add more, I think.

The story behind it is moving, and a good reminder that you can support the soldiers without supporting the war.

I cried. Not a common thing. This story was worth it. Well done.

cool story love it!

This is a beautiful story!

Wait, by won't be coming home do you mean he has to stay over there longer? Or he won't be comign homoe permanently? Because I was all smiles after I read the story because it's so cute and then I read this and that's so sad. I do love the story though, it's cute and romantic. And sorry about your soldier, even if he was just a friend. My mom did that, she still has his photo and a picture of his wife and kid lol, his wife knew and they started to write to each other as well. But again, great story. :)

SO ADORABLE!
lol great job
i really liked it :D

well done!