|Reviews for My Mother|
| The girl with the green eyes 8/19/11 . chapter 1
very poignant poem about man's destruction of the earth- I particulary liked the lines "Her quakes illustrate panic" and !Her waves clash with mortality"- very emotive
| Michael Kelso 3/29/11 . chapter 1
Very good. Straight to the point. Very visual. Evokes emotions. Good poem.
| DeepBlueSea 12/13/09 . chapter 1
wow this is from a long time ago...like two years. All the same... great job.
| D.M. Noir 6/9/09 . chapter 1
I've gone through your poem line by line. I enjoy the attempt at conveying both spirituality and a love for nature but I've found the work to have a few technical wantings as well as a little bit of content issues.
Firstly the technical because it is simple and minor. Line 3 needs an 's' at the end of emanate while in line 8 the word man kind should be mankind. These are mere typing mistakes most likely and are not to be held to heart since they happen to everyone including me.
Line 16 has a comma and the word 'and' in it. The comma I find unnecessary because you have not utilized ANY punctuation anywhere else in the poem and it breaks up the reading of the line. The word and is the only use of the word in the entire poem as well so you can see how this one line, line 16, stands out when it is put in with the rest of the work. I would suggest perhaps rewriting that one line into two lines to solve both the comma and the 'and' issues.
Another distracting technical problem is your choice to capitalize every word in lines 17 through 20. While I understand you trying to reach a crescendo of sorts with your poem, merely capitalizing the words only gives them all a steady loud beat in the readers mind, like a bass drum. Perhaps changing the words and word order will provide you and the reader with enough oomph without having to resort to making mere loud noise by having them all capitalized.
Content wise I believe that you have dedicated this work to both Mother Nature and to Mother Earth yet you have described and attributed the main subject of this poem to being "My Mother", not my mothers or one of my mothers or a mother. While in many pagan belief systems Mother Earth and Mother Nature are one in the same, your insistence on presenting the reader with both names implies that they are not.
On a more detailed look at line 9, I found that "killing" has no subject and leaves the line vacant at the end because of it. If you intended it to relate to the line above in which you establish the subject in line 8 as mankind, it would be suggestable to utilize punctuation in the future to make this readily known to the reader because when lines are left with no punctuation whatsoever, the reader must either assume that they are all separate entities or that they are all one long stream of consciousness but your poem does not allow for that distinction to be made so, in short, it is confusing on that point.
In my personal opinion, the piece needs work. It is still needing of review and editing but has a nice potential to become a poem of great worth and meaning. There are so many cries for action on the part of man to save our Mother Earth and as a writer you must go forth and strive to present your cause in the most noble, eloquent way possible. Do I think you have done this: no. I believe that in your personification of Earth you have given her a very passive-aggressive persona unbefitting of her actual temperance, if she indeed has one. While I understand that my opnions are useless in actual review I thought it best to add them. Usually I don't but I think you would find it comforting to know that it is only because I am pagan and find the subject so very dear to me that I took the time to go line by line through your work.
While I may come across as harsh, and I know I do, no need to lie about it, I believe that only with true admissions of thought and critique that the author will know and come to know himself. It is in critique that we defend ourselves and learn to trust in our own motives. I find it brave of anyone to post their poetry up for others to see. Oft times it is a private matter and authors take their work too personally for it to be actually improved upon.
Much luck to you in the future and blessed be,
| if only today 2/14/09 . chapter 1
I really think you hit the spot with how humans are now destroying nature. the metaphors are well thought out. Although there are moments where the rythym is broken for example, "Her quakes illustrate panic"..."illustrate" sounds a little out of place.
| Spirit-Within66 10/14/08 . chapter 1
A little dark at the end... I imagined more of an apology until the end... and I think it's bad to say Mother hates you.
| Yellow Umbrella 4/17/08 . chapter 1
Beautifully written. Compelling and thought provoking, well done!
| gimmiegreenday 2/3/08 . chapter 1
I love this it is one of the best things i have read ever! I am a big nature freak and i hate people that are litter bugs...any great poem i loved it
| Beloved Truth 5/12/07 . chapter 1
Yeah, that is kinda sad that it is true that people don't care so much about the earth... but good poem. I am going to add it to my C2!