 Orual 2008-06-01 . chapter 1This poem is sort of like a sigh. It doesn't speak; it just exhales. I rather like that. Too many words with too many meanings gets tiring.
In the third line, I think you want "passersby." (Actually, my dictionary says "passers-by.") I also found the slant rhyme between "moving" and "working" a little off with the rest of the poem, but since that stanza functions as a chorus, the pattern makes since after the second repetition or so. |