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| InViSiBlE wOmAn 2007-06-24 ch 2,  | abusewhoa! Short, short, short! Is this due to lack of plot? If it is and you don't know where the story is going you might just want to stop for a second and take the time to write down a plot and everything that you want to happen in it, it would help the length of your chapters and the quality of the story. "yet there was another presence here." Your story is written in past tense 'here' should be there "Suddenly the fox spirit enters me, and I feel my body change" you've done it again here, 'feel' should be felt. Also I'm curious abotu this fox spirit, it should lead to something interesting ;) "I wake up suddenly, and all I can see is the light again" "wake" should be woke, "can" should be could. It would also improve you developing story greatly if you worked on not telling the story but showing it. Do you understand? Add some powerful adjectives, describe more in detail. It won't make the story boring it'll make it easier for the reader to see it. If you don't really know what I mean then you can send me a pm and I'll try and help. "and I feel my body change" how does it change? What's diffrent? I'm sorry I sound awfully picky but I'm just trying to help! I hope this is useful to you and please continue your story I want to see where this is going ;) I'm sure with practice you will become a magnificent writer. take care kat |
| InViSiBlE wOmAn 2007-05-10 ch 1, | abuseI liked it! but usually in your fist chapter its wise to leave the background information until the next chapter so then you can keep you reader intriuged with the plot line, then when you do get to describing you characters take your time to make it perfect. hope that doesn't come across as mean or anything I'm just trying to help! it was good though, please write another chapter! |