Reviews for When An Expectation Fails

Cirien Phoenix
2007-05-11
ch 1,

abuseThis is a very simple piece with the feelings right on the surface. The only criticism I have is that in the middle of the piece you have lines that rhyme together when the rest of the piece doesn't and it throws off the rhythm. The lines are:

Should one cry and despair?

Should one turn one’s back

on the world and disappear."

I know it's not an exact rhyme, but it's so close. I think perhaps you could replace "disappear" with "fade" and still get the same idea without the disruption. This was still good though, even with the slight hiccup in the middle. You did good.

~Cirien Phoenix

P.S. Thanks so much for reviewing "A Friend's Promise." I'm glad you enjoyed it!

soccerfreak18
2007-05-10
ch 1,

abusethat is exactly how i feel great job

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