FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
|
| Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Dictionary Search | Login Register Extras |
| she smolders 2007-06-10 ch 1,  | abuseThat's a very powerful last line. This feels a little bittersweet and I like it a lot. |
| All Alone With Her Thoughts 2007-05-27 ch 1, | abuseTo be honest, I liked the title better than the poem. Rowan. |
| juliemom 2007-05-21 ch 1, | abuseYou continue to amaze me. Each poem I read seems better than the last. I tried to revise my other review for "ode" but the web site doesn't allow it. (I am still learning) Who is ,James Ellroy Author ? |
| Midnight In Eden 2007-05-18 ch 1, | abuseOkay, so I'm going to review you a bit oddly. Your structure is lacking so let me show you what I think you could do with it. My crit is line by line in the parentheses. I feel dried, used up, the cask of a would be poet? (I don't understand the question mark. If you're trying to insinuate confusion of whether you are a poet, make your words do so, don't tack on punctuation to do so). It inspires nothing. (Try a comma here instead, the short sentences create a completely different flow to the second half of the piece) At the price of everything. Declare your self more than you really are. You have a talent, for word slinging sonny. You’d better use it. Your pretty lil poems (little? lil feels a bit throwaway) so free of verse. And you reach for one last chance at rebirth. (I know this structure creates a little bit of a rhyme at the end but I think it works for it to do so). This is a cute little piece, a little fleshing out with some imagery in the first section might draw your reader in a little more but apart from that it's not bad. In terms of achieving stanza breaks on here go to quick edit/preview after you upload the story. Backspace all the little breaks that FP makes then enter in carefully your own breaks. That should work, if it doesn't let me know). Hopefully that was helpful. .:midnight:. |
| recycle rhymes 2007-05-12 ch 1, | abuselove the last line - it really gave the poem a sense of hope. nice work. |
| HISTRIONICS. 2007-05-11 ch 1, | abusei quite like this. the irony and all. =] |
| Xriny 2007-05-11 ch 1, | abusei reallylike the tittle |