i was looking around in the C2 and i saw yours. you hit it right on the nosie when you said ' I get tired of hearing about blonde hair and blue eyes'. i hella get tired of it too. so i read your story and i just wanna say I loved it! _ cant wait til you update.

keep going! It's good and I wonder why you only have a few reviews...(only my thoughts;u don't have too)maybe if your stories paragraph had more description of the storys out come people would be more drawn to read it! just a thought! ;)

I read through the whole thing and you've got a really good grasp of the human existence. You make it known that life isn't always eloquent or pretty or polite, but it's complex, and it can be beautiful. I really liked it, but I have one BIG sticking point with this one

The sex scene at the end of chapter one is really distastefully done. Perhaps it's just me, but I think there's a certain subtlety to be had when doing a sex scene in a piece like this. You don't want to make the read awkward for your reader. The only thing I can suggest is to read some Stephen King where he does sex. (There's plenty of it to be found) Either that, or if you're going to describe it in full detail, then go all out.

Like I said though, it's just me. And the rest of the story IS good.

Hey there! I wanted to say thanks for the review and for adding me to your favorites. ) Also, I have come to read and review your story so far. And actually, it's pretty good! I like it a lot.

However, there are two things that I would mention. One of them is that the lemon (however wonderful) seemed a little hurried, sort of like a bunch of run-on sentences full of people doing stuff and not really how they're feeling, what they're thinking, and how they're reacting not on the outside but on the inside, do you know what I mean? And the other thing is that - I really love large, descriptive paragraphs - but your story would be a LOT easier to understand if you had more of them. I mean, when two different people are talking, make new paragraphs, and divide their actions that way as well. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Other than that, good story! Keep writing, and now I'm off to the second chapter. )