Reviews for Never Ending Wait

Reviews For: Never Ending Wait

Dexterity 2007-10-20 ch 1,	abuseNice direct approach to the subject. Sometimes, simplicity is what brings out the strongest emotions, and that is what I would say about your short work. I like the style. Hopefully, you'll continue writing in this manner. I was just wondering if you can give me some feedback on my story "Beyond the Horizon" as I'm new to fictionpress and I have no idea how I'm doing. It is only if you have time though, so even if you don't RR, I can completely understand. That's all! Have fun writing and good luck in the future!
concerto49 2007-08-11 ch 1,	abuseThe structure is a little repetitive. Perhaps you could have added a touch of dialogue to it. Could have varied your sentence length - most of it was long, and dragged on a touch. I never exactly know how to do second person too much. I wonder. Hm yes, life is full of wonders - and things like that can happen. I got a tad confused over it though. Anyhow. Cheers.
euphorictragedy 2007-05-14 ch 1,	abuseWow, I feel your pain, I really do. Except, he knows that I like him and yet he still beats me into the ground and then spits on me. Of course, he doesn't know he's doing this and like you said, I want to make him feel my pain but I won't. He'll probably never know of it. At least I know I'm not alone.
blankmind3 2007-05-14 ch 1,	abuseyour description of unrequited love is the best one i've ever read. i really can't wait for more of this. it's a great start, let me tell you.
fairytale failure 2007-05-14 ch 1,	abuseInteresting thoughts, although the language could have been better. You write with clarity. The section about hurting but never wanting to let go was a good idea, it seemed very true.
Gottlos 2007-05-14 ch 1,	abuseConsidering how short this is, I'll just review paragraph by paragraph. All right, here goes: "divine features"...nice, particularly because you called his laugh a "heavenly sound". Lots of description on that laugh, huh? But three adjectives in a row is over-doing it. You can't have too much description, but not a ton of adjectives consecutively. "that delicate heart that you have him" what's the "that you have him" doing? Maybe I'm misreading, but I can't figure it out. Okay, you describe well and portray a colorful picture. But you list the adjectives one after the other. "so innocent, so vulnerable, so strong..." You write effectively; I don't mean that you don't. But still, that's just a little unfashionable in prose, you know? Typo: "melts" away. "You just wish people wouldn't label it as just puppy love," you should probably get rid of one of those justs. You could probably merge the sentences "The most bittersweet emotion of all. Loving someone so much yet knowing that you can never have them." In fact, a lot of the fragments could be merged together around there. "And so with this in mind. You make a pledge." You ought to make that one sentence. Good parallelism in the next three sentences; it's almost like poetry. Anyways, that was a pretty neat little set of paragraphs. Beyond the fragments (which can just be attributed to style and ignored from there), your grammar was perfect. But anyhow, assuming this is how you feel in reality, give yourself a break!
Jade Jasemine 2007-05-14 ch 1,	abuseI feel with this prose, i am going through the same kind of thing with the guy i like right now. thanks for writing a story that will connect with a lot of girls reading it.
angelicdust 2007-05-14 ch 1,	abuseaw! >:D

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