Reviews for Entangled in Lies

Bitter Irony
2007-07-17
ch 1,

abuseA very original work of poetry. However, the use of the word "Thy" made the whole of it a bit confusing. For example:

"O’ thy beg" I'm not sure what you mean to say, but if you are trying to use "thy" as a subject, you should be aware that 1) Thou is the subject of a sentence, thy is a possessive and 2) "beg" is the incorrect conjugation with the "informal you" (thou) tense. A little chart may come in handy:

Me Thee You
I Thou You
My Thy Your
Mine Thine Yours

And:
I have We have
Thou hast You have
He has They have

Also, "thy’s" is not a word: thy is the possessive of thou.

Why do you sometimes use the word "thy" and other times use "you"? They are two different words and use two different sets of verbs: thy is informal and intimate, you is formal and polite. Decide which you are going to use and stick with it.

I like the wind-down in this poem: the last four lines are very powerful. Just be careful of purple prose (or, in this case, verse): I'm specifically thinking of line 8, where the reader will either 1) not know what you're talking about (unlikely) or 2) know what you're talking about and wonder why you didn't say it a bit plainer. There's a fine line between beautiful figurative language and over-the-top purple prose.

Good luck, and keep writing!

Bitter Irony

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