[“What’s to explore?” she had declared when I asked, “I’ve been down there and it’s not that interesting."]
The way it is now, "asked" is the speech tag for the following dialogue, which it shouldn't be. The comma should be a period.

[My face instantly fell, “What?”]
Depressed facial expressions don't make words, so the comma after fell should be a period.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.

April Fools Day Review! (I picked a story like you said you preferred, but a warning I'm not so good with stories...)

"It always smelled like chemicals and cleaners because he managed to keep it incredibly clean."... I didn't like that line. I thought it was unneccessarily repetitive. Instead of saying because he managed to keep it clean, maybe say becase he was a neatfreak or something that characterizes him and is less repetitive? Just a thought.

"Only, it wasn’t Alison’s age anymore.".. cage

Ok here's the thing you say Alison was your best friend, which seems odd since you saiud you hadn't even known her that long and if anything Katie seems more like a friend and Alison seemed more like a love interest.

I liked the whole idea of literal cages and how you described them and then how you changed it in teh end to a figurative cage for the readers. However, I thought that transition needed a bit more. It just seemed to come out of nowhere. Why would you running lead to us knowing we can control our own cages? It just didn't seem to flow so well.

Still I really liked the piece. It was very creative and you described the whole situation very well. Great job!

Hm... at first I wasn't to sure of this... it started out feeling like a sci-fi fantasy thing, but by the end it truly feels like a metaphorical/symbolic piece. I think it's one of those things where the interpretation depends a lot on the person who reads it.

For me, having left home/school friends quite recently, it seemed to echo that feeling of everyone moving through their individual lives, and the different fates people are constrained to, with the size of the cages reflecting the opportunities they had and the choices they made in how to use them. Genevieve in particular interested me, with the damaging, forever increasing reduction of her 'cage', almost like a self-implosion...

This feels both incredibly simple and incredibly complex. With a little bit of polishing, I think this could be a really great, provocative piece.

All I can say in concrit is that the exchange between Max and Alison could be a little more streamlined. The dialogue itself is fine, but the adverbs (right word? IDK) surrounding it could do with a little trimming. For example:

"“Hey, Max, come here!’ she cried out excitedly in a harsh whisper. "
That doesn't need 'excitedly' and 'harsh'. Both feels clunking. Personally I would take out harsh, as the sentence without it would provoke the same sensation, but that's just my opinion.

*begins to question own life and 'cage' as a result of this fic...headsdesk*

The metaphoric analysis of the personalities are strange in a way, and it left me pondering exactly what those 'cages' symbolized. I kinda understood, but then I really don't. I am not too sure. Regardless, the ongoing metaphor was a strong one, and it tied this piece well. I enjoyed the directness of the piece, freely addressing the reader as 'you'.

As for critiscims, I felt that Alison should deserved a paragraph or two (or more). It seemed like she popped out from no where, but yet have developed a strong bond with Max (even stronger than Katie, whom have been spending longer amounts of time with Max). It was difficult to relate to Max's depression at the end, since "she was my best friend" doesn't really say a whole lot.

Aside from that, a very thought provoking piece. Very nicely done.

(So you get another free review with my attempts to contact you XD. According to my DocX thinger, it says that you have not established connection yet. Make sure you're connecting to 'pokedz48' via pen name. Furthermore, I think you may not be receiving PMs because your email provider directly send them to the Spam box, maybe. And lastly, I think FP is 'muting' all address links in PMs, so your email was 'muted' out from your PM. You could contact me by Email directly, or you can tell me other ways of contacting you.)

Wow! This is amazing! I love how you use cages as a metaphor and describe everyone's different cages - it's such a unique idea, and it was really fun to imagine how the cages suited their personalities. I think this is one of your best pieces.

My only criticism is that I feel like you could describe his interactions with Alison more, BEFORE she decides to leave. As it is, it feels a little abrupt for their first conversation in the story to be her departure. But this is really a minor thing.

Overall, an amazing and enjoyable read.

Minor details:

Maria was a daydreamer that loved to sing and craved applause. -- I may be wrong, but I think "that" should be "who"

“What bars?” Katie asked, “There were never any bars there!” -- Awesome line.

I liked this piece. I’m not sure you need the first qualifier (“don’t take this literal”). If you are finding that an issue, perhaps tack a fantasy (or maybe even a Spiritual) label on it (rather than romance). I got quickly that you were speaking more figuratively than literally.

Writing:

I liked the opening line. But then you used “There was” as the next sentence starter. I’ve always found that you can rewrite any sentence that starts with There are, or There is, etc. Simply say “Kevin’s cage is to my left”. You might then combine the next two. “Large, I couldn’t see the top…” - the reason I point this out is to demonstrate that if you move away from passive voice, and more towards action verbs you’ll pick up the interest of the reader faster. Don’t start with a soft voice – jump in.

Another example: “Maria was a daydreamer that loved to sing. Singing was her life. It was all she did. She lived and breathed it” – you can make this point once rather than three times. Tighten it up and move on would be my recommendation. – or use different visuals…ie. “She lived and breathed it like a fish needs water, or…like a concert singer craves applause…..show me, don’t tell me.

Dialogue: I really liked your first transition into dialogue. The direct interaction and vocalization of thoughts is clear and you bring right in the exploration theme. This flows well, and you use simple words. I did like that you used casual words, rather than trying to make this a high brow discussion.

Characters: I could effectively visualize. You mentioned physical characteristics in a fluid way so that I didn’t feel I was getting a laundry list. If I were to offer one suggestion it would be to fully introduce your main character sooner. You start right off with environment and the other characters and you’re almost half way through before I hear a name/gender and can truly begin to see who “I” is. You could of course make “I” the universal man, but I think it’s effective with the identity assigned – I personally just wanted maybe one introspective paragraph sooner, before you introduced everyone else as more important.

I’m not sure Genevieve needed two names {Oh yeah, Genevieve, or Bug Alien, in Katie’s book,} This is a quick story, keep it simple.

Plot: You focus on size. I would have liked to see more senses beyond this emphasis on sight. Maybe shake things up with more smell, touch, hearing. For example, the singer could actually be making music…and you could comment on the sound.
Ending: I got a little lost with the combining of the cages analogy. I expected her to “disappear”. The “her cage became my own” and yet she’s missing…seemed just a bit odd to me. I’m not sure it communicated the point you wished. It’s very clear your moral is “the cage is as big as you make it” – but if you wanted to imply how we impact others cages, or something about choice, I’m not sure that I personally got that. I read it twice and I’m still not sure that I’m not reading more into it than I should.

I did like the title of "dolls" and the use of the "doll" imagery keeping on theme. But who are we dolls to? Seemed like there might have been an opportunity to comment more on who creates the cage - beyond self.

Spelling/Grammar: Overall saw nothing glaring worthy of commentary. You did well separating the paragraphs and it’s easy to read on line with the spacing.

Loved it! At first I was very very lost , i didn't understand a word you spouted so I reread it again and it finally dawned on me what you meant with this piece.

Okay on to critisism. The characters... Hmm what can I say... None of them left a real impression (at least not long enough to last the whole chapter) except for Alison . The way you described the first three 'cage occupants' were quite detached. They just didn't jump out at me. But (yes I know that it's grammatically incorrect to start a sentence with 'but') the descriptions of the characters were okay. I'm prolly confusing you right ? I mean to say is that the description is understandable but the way you put it wasn't very gripping.

Now if I was told to choose one cage to inhabit , I think I would want to be placed into Alison's . It just seem full of possibilities. (And if I interpreted it right,) she was the one that gave a whole new world to Max when she left. Max started to have an open mind after she left right ?

Yeah I think that should be it... The plot was one-of-a-kind. Absolutely stunning. It's been there our whole life but no one else did anything about it. So , all-in-all , it was (still is) a very wonderful read.

This is really interesting. I'm not sure if there's an intentional message here or if it's just a surreal idea you thought up - either way, I like it. Very creative without being annoying or pretentious. Good job :)

This was quite an interesting story. Your stories are good for making people think, and I like that. Keep up the good work!
~Della

I love this. Absolutely amazing and inspiring. The ending blew me away. I wasn't expecting it at all. This is so creative. Unbelievably creative. I'm still in some sort of shock. Awesome job! This is going on my favorites list.

Wow, you had me by the end. I really liked this.

That was amazing.
That was unbelievable amazing.
It made no sense.
And it made a whole lot of sense, in a twisted kind of way.
I'm left speechless. I cannot write that well.

It's pretty clear why Genevieve's cage is small, and why Kevin's is big. What confuses me is why Katie didn't remember there ever being bars where Max remembered them. Does Katie remember Alison?

Wow, so topsy weirdy here. XD

I'm not sure if you were trying to send a message or just having something out of your mind be pictured, but whatever it was, it got into my head and turned it around. How big would my cage be?

This world that Max lives in is pretty strange, and may make no sense, but in no way have you made this un-understandable. Good job!

Later.