I liked the beginning of this, I can't quite put my finger on why though. I think becasue it was simple, but set the scene up well. I did think the reference to the heroine addict was a bit anachronistic though. Although we don't know much about the place the story is set yet, so I could be wrong?

The initial meeting between the shadow and the runner boy was good – It was easy to follow and quite humorous. I like the way it introduces the characters through interaction.

I enjoyed reading this. It’s a very different idea. I liked the fact that neither the shadow or the caravan were completely what they appeared either.

Excellent! hee.

:) CD

SWEET! I have no idea how I missed this when it first appeared. This SO rocks. The characters are well-developed, with their own problems, strengths and weaknesses. The world has its problems, too, and the magic system seems to be well on its way to full development. You've mentioned that some magics are resistant to or weak against other magics, and you've introduced other races as well. And all of that without info-dumping (my personal bane... >.

You have a very vivid, elegant way of writing; I admire this *madly*. Come to that, the desert is almost its own character, like a great, golden presence moving around in the background. Makes for a rich setting, and a story I just want to keep on reading and reading. Very nicely done so far.

"one who is very protective of his brood" eh? Ah ha, so that's what the elder is.

I like this. Sandwolves and phoenixes and magic. And al-Jessad is amazing.

:D CD

I've just read these three chapters, and I'm hoping for more!

It's captivating how you've created an alternate universe of the Arab world, that really appeals to me because ancient Arab culture is damn beautiful. But then you've taken away the suppression of women, and that is where I can sit down and really enjoy an Arabia-set story. "He cast an amazed glance at his bodyguard, who lifted an eyebrow in her shawl and nodded."-- That literally had me shivering with glee! ^_^ I love how you've executed this!

The beginning had me just stop and laugh out loud at "The air shivered like a heroine addict in the middle of December."

I think al-Jessad has a lot of stereotypical traits, at least now in the beginning. But I don't really mean it as criticism. Gradually learning of her background gives her depth, and it is a fresh breeze to find a woman like this in an Arabia-set story. She just doesn't give the guys an opportunity to treat her anything less than their equal. I love it.

And you're great with dialogue. It's clever and it immediately places the characters, and the style is suitable to the setting. Still, the story is maybe a little dialogue-heavy altogether. The sequences where al-Jessad defended her mother in her flashback, and the clash with Ali and the Elder later, it drove me on.

Your writing style is an inspiration-- it's fast-paced and expressionate, something I want to pick up on myself.

So thanks!