|Reviews for Forgiven|
| IfWeWereInLove 2/9/11 . chapter 1
Cute, simple and sweet.
My favorite two lines in this poem are
"She lost her balance and began falling
He quickly grabbed hold of her and held her tight"
It shows that he'll always be there to catch her if she falls and stay by her side.
Your ideas and simple flow go really well together.
| Fractured Illusion 11/13/08 . chapter 1
The Review Game forum turned 1 years old 11th Nov. This is a belated bday gift to you from the moderators, thanking you for your participation in our forum :)
"Tears fell, her eyes fell"
I like this line, it was a nice play on the words there. :)
"Deep down he felt her was crying"
This sentence is "wrong". Perhaps you mean "felt she was crying"?
"Continuing to run, she noticed him
He walked slowly toward her"
This gives a confusing mental image. On one hand she is running, and then he reaches her by slowly walking to her... Perhaps you should make a point she stops?
Overall, a sweet story :) Angst-fluff ain't dead for a reason, haha! Just watch your phrasing a bit.
| Frail.Wings.Of.Vanity 5/31/08 . chapter 1
| obsession93 6/16/07 . chapter 1
aw...this was really good. it's so sweet. and the only thing you need to fix is the "deep down he felt her was crying" part by changing it to 'felt her crying' or 'felt she was crying.' But other than that it was great and I can't wait to see the story. this kind of sounded like a song to me (just thought I should add that.)
Thnx for the reveiws for Guardians!