When I was reading this, I couldn't decide what view you had taken on the war. For example, you first say "We'll seek to theirs and find their gold." This sounds almost bitter, as if to say the soldiers don't really have a purpose in foreign lands--they merely want the country's gold. Then you say that "[the soldier's] toil is not in vain." Which confused me again, because it made it sound as if there was much more to invading the foreign country than gaining its gold.

As an afterthought, maybe that's not really the point. Maybe you're just trying to represent each and every soldier's perspective--the ones who are crushed by leaving home, the ones who are angry, the ones who think their "toil is not in vain." Bottom line is that all the broken soldiers are "unnamed heroes." (I love that last line. It took me a good minute to grasp what you wrote, but when I understood it, I immediately liked it.)

As far as the writing goes, "Till broken shells are visible more than once," seems a little off beat. I think it's because of "more than once." I don't know--read that whole stanza and see if it's kind of off. Maybe I'm going crazy. :P

Also: You’re heart's respite is no glory. -- I think you meant "your" instead of "you're."

And that's it. I enjoyed this!

-McQuinn

Very interesting piece, and very well written. Precise, curious wording made for wonderful imagery. Well done. :)

[You’re heart's respite is no glory.] I have to say that line didn't read so well for me. Did you mean to say "Your" instead of "You're"? I'm not sure exactly what you intended, but I lingered on that line for a while, which sort of made me lose my pace.

Then again, maybe that's just me. xD

Also, I didn't like so much the way you used the word "lands" twice in the second stanza; once in the first line, and once in the last. I know, very nit-picky of me (sorry xD), but it just stuck out.

My absolute favorite stanza would have to be the last; it was very concise and poetic, and brought the point across clearly. Sad, touching, and very well-worded.

I also liked your use of loose rhyme throughout the whole poem. None of the rhyming words seemed forced because you knew that wasn't your main goal. A lot of writers (myself included), try so hard to make their words rhyme, the meaning and impact behind their words is lost. You handled that very well. :D

Overall, a very pretty piece. The summary called me to click on it because it reminded me of the hymn, "Onward Christian Soldier." xD

Keep writing!

;)becky

nice. no, seriously, it reminds me of a song?? I can't remember which song though..like onward something something..yehh. okay.. my absolute favorite stanza was the second.. Is has alot of emotions, and they are expressed pretty darn well. is this your only poem?? I don't think I saw anymore, so you should most definitely keep on writing and pursuing this..it is awesome.!
kaayy.
on to review your others..
ash.

A truthful and very heartbreaking piece, they say that a picture is worth a thousand words, and I must say that this poem paints that picture. There is a great emotional and spiritual depth in this piece. You write wonderful poetry, and I hope that you will post other examples of your work very soon.

Lady_DreamWriter
(From Reviewers_Found)

hey. :) is it okay if i review earlier than the others ('cause im going back to school this month already :'( )? ah, well. here i am:P

wow. the poem is so simple and short yet it reaches && touches the heart. i love how you repeated the first line in the last stanza and your play with words. the last stanza's my favorite:)) "A worthy hero will be unnamed." what a sad line. :'(

This was a pretty good poem. I liked how you repeated the first line in the third and final stanza.
I think my favorite line was 'Your toil is not in vain'. Interesting poem.