|Reviews for Woodrowe High|
| Britt1122 5/6/08 . chapter 11
Hello hello hello.
Regret to say Ive been lazy, havent been reading.
But Ive decided to go through my email inbox and read all my Fictionpress story updates.
Im liking it quite alot actually :D
And yes, I do do IT. Well, Information Software Technology, so IST.
But no, Im not forced to, its an elective.
Its not that bad, if it werent for the shit teacher :P
| Koinaka 1/23/08 . chapter 2
Review game! I did both Chapter 1 and 2 since chapter 1 was so small. First of all, I just want to say that I really enjoyed the story.
Stuff from Chapter 1
-I think the description of Lily is a bit over the top. Perhaps you should break this up a bit and integrate it into the story. Like have Jack notice her eyes or her outfit, something to that effect.
-Just a basic mistake:
"Jack was the tallest boy in year eleven – six feet four, but so wiry and thin, it seemed an strong wind could have knocked him over if it tried herd enough."
-Herd should be hard.
Stuff from Chapter 2
-Some more basic mistakes:
"Jack closed his eyes and tried to distance himself form the blows that were raining down on him."
-Form should be from.
“Do you like being used as a punchbag, it that it?” taunted another
-Punchbag should probably be punching bag. Also you need a period after another.
“Yeah, that’s right, you cowards, stop as soon as you realise someone’s looking!”
-That should probably be ‘you cowards stop’ without the comma between cowards and stop.
“Hey, wimp,” a voice jeered down at him from high above,
-Hm… this seems a bit awkward to me. If you cut out ‘from high above’ it would sound better. Also, I’m not sure, but I think the comma there should be a period (although, I could be wrong about that!)
“You.” He said “Really don’t want to do that.”
-This sounds awkward as well, it might be better if you changed it to: “You really don’t want to do that,” he said.
She stuck out her and to help him up.
-You forgot the word hand here.
Now that that is out of the way: I'm interested in seeing where this is headed. Obviously something (be it friendship or something romantic) is brewing between Lily & Jack. Bullies vs. the new kid in town has been done before, but if you put a new spin on it, it could work! I will definitely continue reading the story.
| disny07 12/7/07 . chapter 10
As usual, awesome! I'm sorry it took me so long to review. Drama club, maching band, and now precussion take up most of my time. Im very sorry about not reviewing the other chapters either. I just caught up now, but it is great.
What did her mom do? It's been driving me crazy for a few chapters now. I hope we find out soon. Please?
And Jack with the knife- that doesn't sound good. I hope he doesn't kill anyone (though killing Darren wouldn't be to big a tragedy). I don't want him to get in trouble. He cut himself with it? That made me flinch when I read about it. It was so well written.
I hope the two of them make up soon. They are so cute together, I don't want her mad at him. So please update. This is one of my favorite stories, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
Yay for semi-long reviews! Once again, I am so sorry I didn't review lately. I know how nice they are, and they can be fun and costructive(though Im not sure this one was).
Hope you are doing well.
Talk to you soon!
| SarahSupaStar 12/2/07 . chapter 10
HeeHee... I love the sheep comment. That put a really funny picture in my mind.
I also love how she asks the crowd for help and they don't even aknowlege that she said anything.
That was really clever how she pulled the insanity card on Darren.
What exactly did her mom do? Obviously something violent, almost definitely murder, but what EXACTLY? Ooh, I can't wait to find out!
That is so scary with Jack and the knife! Is he gonna turn into one of those kids who brings a weapon to school and tries to kill everyone, or is he just gonna go after Darren? (I personally prefer the latter. I see no reason to kill all of your classmates when you have a personal vendetta against just one of them. Although the best thing would be if you didn't hate ANY of your classmates to the point that you would actually kill them.) And how will Jack get Darren away from all of his "mates"? (heehee, I love that word) He can't take Darren down with all of them around. Can he?
| SarahSupaStar 11/4/07 . chapter 9
Sorry it took me this long to review, I've been pretty busy lately, but now that I've gotten to it, I love it!
It always makes me happy to make someone else happy with my reviews. I know how fun it is seeing the review in your inbox, and I love being able to give that happy feeling to other people, especially if I like their writing and the review I'm goving them is good! (as in your case)
That line from Lily: "Friends only let you down in the end", that's a really depressing thought. I wonder what happened between her and her past friend(s) that made her start thinking that way.
I agree with Lily. Darren is sinking VERY low to take on a single girl with ten other guys backing him up. And I really want to know what she said that made him stop, and why she won't tell Jack what it was. If she had something on Darren and was blackmailing him into leaving her alone, wouldn't she tell Jack what she knew about him. I wonder if it's something that involves her too. Then I could see why she wouldn't tell Jack. But what could she tell Darren, involving her as well as him, that would make him back off?
I hope Jack doesn't get himself into trouble trying to make Darren pay. I mean, he could get into trouble a lot of ways, he could get suspended, expelled, or even arrested, but mostly I'm concerned about him getting in over his head. Darren has been beating Jack up for years. Why should their next fist-fight be any different? If Jack tries to take on Darren, he could get seriously injured, if not killed. Darren's already shown that he's not affraid to go that far when he attacked Lily, and guys are usually more cautious about hurting grils than other guys.
Okay, I think that was just the longest review I've ever written! I hope it wasn't too long for you. I tend to start to bable when I have a lot of slightly unrelated things to say.
Please update soon!
| SarahSupaStar 10/19/07 . chapter 8
Poor Jack! He just wanted to know what the message said so he could help. Although, he should have known that Lily would flip out if she caught him. You're not supposed to go through other people's things without their permission Jack!
I LOVED the last scene with Jack's mom! i started laughing out loud, seroisly, not like, "lol, that was cute, funny, whatever, moving on" no, more like, "LOL! OhMyGod! That Is Just Too Perfect!" Yeah, so, if you can't tell, I liked that part.
I Love It! UPDATE SOON! (please)
| disny07 10/15/07 . chapter 7
this is great. i like this so much. I feel so sorry for jack, he is so sweet, and cares about her. I know you said you would take updates slowly, but please add another chapter soon. this story really is awesome. I beg you, please update!
| disny07 10/15/07 . chapter 2
Wow. I really like this so far. I'm only on chapter 2 at the moment, but I am wrapped up in it. I was going to read on, but I read you like reviews, so here mine is. I cant wait to read more!
| SarahSupaStar 10/14/07 . chapter 7
Ohmygod, I am so sorry that it took me this long to review!
School just started up again and I have been completely swamped with homework and I've even been putting off story-reading for a while, adn just today I got some free time, and I thought, "There are some stories on FictionPress that I haven't read in a while, I wonder if they've been updated yet" and then I got on and I realized that you updated this, like, a month ago, and I felt so bad for taking so long to review! But I'm reviewing now.
Now to the acutal reviewing part:
I feel so bad for Lily, forced to lie to Jack like that, and I loved the way you put in the bit about all the things Jack didn't want anyone to know (like how he wants to be more than just friends with Lily - eek!) it's a really clever way to give insight into his character. I wonder what the message said. Hmm...
| Arin DeStruction 9/14/07 . chapter 7
This is really good.
I like it.
| SarahSupaStar 7/4/07 . chapter 6
One typo: "I think that we should...Be around eachother anymore" I'm pretty sure there's supposed to be a "not" in there somewhere, but otherwise it was great!
What did mer mom do? and how much of it does Jack know? and if she really doesn't want anyone to know, why doesn't she MOVE?
I can't wait to see what Darren does. Update soon!
| SarahSupaStar 6/27/07 . chapter 5
I'm glad I make you happy with my reviewing. I like making peopple happy. D
I really liked this chapter, just like the rest of them (I need to come up with some new adjectives). I like how Lily doesn't care what everyone's wispering aobout her, I know she's sort of gotten used to it over time, but still, that's really cool of her. I also like how that confuses Jack and he can't figure out why she would enjoy being wispered about by her classmates.
Keep up the good work! and update soon! (please)
| SarahSupaStar 6/26/07 . chapter 4
I like the story within a story. And I can't wait to hear Lily try to explain the story to Jack.
I like how he found it like that. He was probably expecting it to be this nice happy little thing, and then he reads it and it's Lily's extremely depressing life story.
| SarahSupaStar 6/5/07 . chapter 3
I love that Lily's life is miserable, it's a really good plot twist. I feel really bad for her, and for Jack.
Great work! Keep it up!
| SarahSupaStar 5/23/07 . chapter 2
This is great! It's only just the beginning and already i'm all wrapped up in it. Can't wait for and update!