You really are good with names. I loved this...*sigh* Absolutely adorable.

cool random ideas you've got there :D lol it is cheesy but still interesting

Hello. I love the story. I have a soft spot for cliches. anyways umm... just thought you might want to know you changed derricks name (sp) around and that's about it. oh, also remember to check you comas other than that your story is perfect. I hope you write more cliches

Wow. This is really good!
It was really well written too.

cute. simply cute. :D

Dimunda Angel of Dark Light
Never coming home, never coming home...

=) It's nice to read a story that's as well written as this one. Either you're a natural writer, or you edit your work well.

(Although I did notice that when you first introduce the male character, you call him "Deryck" and afterwards it changes to "Derrick" - other than that, good work!)

OMG this was so cheesy! But I admit I smiled at the end. =]

Heya Concerto.

Guess it was cliched and cheesy as you said, but at least the presentation, and details weren't that plain boring. It's to say that even simply presenting some old idea differently can make the new.
I saw a bit of tense switching/typos/and minor errors here and there. Hm.
Perhaps a bit more detail and dialogue, as it became a little like a recount. More on the insides of the narrator too.
Overall, it was okay.
Anyhow. Cheers.

Absolutely wonderful job on this. I loved it :)

~Carm~

Cheesy yes, but not so cliche, imao. XD Nicely written, with beautiful language.

GREAT JOB!