Reviews for Star, Moon and Sun

Reviews For: Star, Moon and Sun

Kenna-Kat11 2007-06-18 ch 2,	abusethis was definetly interesting...once again great detail, but you are going to have to make the next chapter different as this sounds like a reoccuring plot. If you manage to manipulate it so it is different from all the rest it will be really interesting to read. also i would suggest not to put sentences like "But, enough about the king. He’ll show up in due time" because it disrupts the story and can become quite annoying... ( please don't take this as a flame it is just merely constructive criticism) other than that nice job! ~E~
Heatless Flame 2007-06-12 ch 2,	abuseOkay, here's a bit of CC don't take this as a flame or anything bad. 1. This is a rather overdone plot, but if you can make the story original nothing is wrong with cliches. Just don't let any of your characters become a mary/ gary stu/ sue. 2. Good, at least his mark didn't appear out of nowhere. He came in contact with the girl, then saw it. 3. Excellent description, very nice. This is obviously your strongest skill in writing. 4. I don't really like how you kinda had an infodump about the tribes, you shoulda worked that in when it was more relevant. Good so far, but could you take a look at my stories in a couple days? Please wait because I'm coming out with a new story that I'll need reviews on thanx!
Isa-chan the Ninja 2007-06-12 ch 1,	abuseyay. but... it has too many big words! im like rhi! i dont have a very big vocab! it was really good! i like it alot. yeah. kool
Kyllex of Darkness 2007-06-12 ch 2,	abuseYAY! Awesome, Ael rocks! And Oswin is funny. Is Lilica Oswin's sister or what? Anyway, this was interesting UPDATE SOON! I MEAN NOW! muahaha
A Sweet Escape 2007-06-01 ch 1,	abuseI lovee your writing style and your detail! I also loved your last line 'her only friend had been completely wiped from her memory' - intense! I really hope you update soon! great job! ~Katt
InsaneRomantic15 2007-05-27 ch 1,	abuseI'm attempting to become a fantasy writer, in real life, so I'm going to give you some curious critisim. Do not disregard what I say, and take this as a flame. It's not at all a flame, it's good advice. First off, when you start the story out it's just a little too typical. You should try something a little less cliche, and maybe a little bit more original. The way you described her dream was good, but still a little shaky. The first chapter of any story should automatically draw a reader into it. So try not to describe the character(s) too much, because nobody really gives a damn. Readers want to find out something interesting, and not the height diffrence between a few people. Never, ever, use this "-" to seperate stuff, unless it's just for a note. Otherwise you want to try to be professional about things, and books don't have, "-", that. Next, try to actually work on your paragraphs. Remember, five to six sentences per paragraph. No more, no less. Random lines are quite annoying, and do not make a whole lot of sense. When a reader is checking out your very first chapter, they want to see an example of your future chapters. If your very first chapter is weak, not many are going to be interested in the rest of it. Last, but not least, DO NOT attempt to make the story similar to something you would find in a manga. It's annoying when every fantasy out there has a random Japanese touch, when, in fact, the main character is not Japanese. The same goes for making someone who is Japanese very, cliche, American. You really want to avoid naming any of your character a really iregular name, it makes things less realistic. Anywho, interesting start. I hope that this story turns out to be an original, for this plot has been done many, many, times.
Kenna-Kat11 2007-05-25 ch 1,	abuseThat was absolutely freaking amazing, sorry for my language but that was awesome. The description was great and so was the suspense and well just about everything was good. I especially liked the sentence that said "she could play twenty questions against the flagpole and lose horribly."...that made me laugh out loud...i can't wait to see what happens next...keep writing! PS you are going on my favorite author's list!! :) ~E~
Kyllex of Darkness 2007-05-23 ch 1,	abuseYAY! That's awesome!! LOL, Kendall? That sounds almost like...Kendra! LOL Noelle, did u mean to do that or not? I mean, Kendall the "barbie" is a lot like Kendra from our school. The tied PE shirt...the flat blonde hair...and her name. HAHAHA. So anyway, this is an awesome story so far! Can't wait till Alena meets her new friends!! ^^

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