Great, short story. Nice work.

~Twilight Starr~

meep!
this is good!
is there more?
" I'm not very talented, but I try, so don't throw things at me.
"
you freak. you write wonderfully. so don't belittle yourself. yea. anyway.

wow, you're writing better. your short stories are very interesting to read. this one is probably my favorite so far! the ending is a bit cliched but it's nice, well, disturbing (which is hopefully what you were aiming for). i like

God... that just makes one wonder what she did to him... or what happened to Lawrence. It's good though, ending's nice.

That was sad poor old Lawrence. I bet his sister will feel like crap, then again she did seem kind of heartless so maybe not. Good job on the story.

~SirScott