Reviews for Bitter - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Bitter

eva 2007-06-17 ch 1,	O_O disterbing but i like it.
Ethearia 2007-06-05 ch 1,	Sexy :P I like I like.
sin olvido 2007-06-04 ch 1,	I like the topic of this one, and your word choice is flawless, but I think you've mastered the haiku. Try another form, or maybe try freeverse poetry. You can really get an effect with those. Haikus are rarely effective because of their length. I would love to see this expanded on & rewritten. It would be tres awesome! ~Cristina
Crossing the Rubicon 2007-05-31 ch 1,	This is good although I suggest you change the first "forbidden" into a different word. It's a little too close to the second use of "forbidden", and in something so short, repetition can be dangerous. Overall, good job.
Stella-Polaris 2007-05-30 ch 1,	Nice! Good first attempt too!
Basara 2007-05-27 ch 1,	...well, theres a connection... hm, there are some things beyond comprehending explanation.. ( like that situation of yours... ) nice...
Ink'd-Reality 2007-05-25 ch 1,	Yayness! You wrote a haiku, and I'm the first to review it! Gorsh... I feel speshie... Righty ho, then. Well. Seeing as it's only three lines and ten words, I'm going to try my best to write an... extensive review. It seems as though you've finally sorted out that length issue of yours. Luffin' the association of taste to lust and romance, yet it's a little overdone these days. I like the way you use the word forbidden - it reminds me of a very traditional, strict society where romance is frowned upon. Actually, for some reason it reminds me of Memoirs of a Geisha. Have you read it? You should, it rocks. Anywho, I like the first line, just not entirely sure about the second. "Forbidden things taste bitter". Do they? I would have thought forbidden things taste sweeter, considering this edge of rebellion you've got here - which I do like a lot, but you need to follow it through. Last line... good. I simply love the way it ends on the word "you" - it gives a sense of a relationship, of accusations, almost. I noticed the way you repeat forbidden; "Lust is forbidden; Forbidden things..." etc etc. I like that. It's factual and blunt, almost childlike, as if there is little emotion in it. I don't know if that's what you intended, but what the hell. All in all, I was actually quite surprised by the language of this. Normally you go for elaborate metaphors and rich language and complications, but haikus really make you select your wording. The thing I like about this is that it isn't a jumble of words - because of the limited structure, it's all very well thought out and meaningful. Please, please do more haikus. Whether or not they're successful, they'll help you a lot with the other poetry you write. Hope that helps! - Little Ole' Moi P.S. I swear, Sammy, I spend so much of my bloody time writing these reviews for you. You are /so/ dedicating your first book to me, if you ever get good enough to publish. Which you will. Because you haff me, and not through any talent of your own. Duh.

Return to Top