Hm...this made me go into a horrible depression. I like to pretend that at the moment that you ended that story. Jaclyn slapped Tyler, ran over to Aralin and kissed her. And Aralin kissed her back. And then they ran away together, and bought plane tickets to paris, and lived there, barley getting by, but as long as they had each other they didn't care, and they lived out the rest of their lives there, together.

YAY :D

Actually, what I really wanna know is what happened to Aralin in the past? Heh, the ending was a...surprise and rather abrupt but i still enjoyed it though. =)

I've read your whole story, front to back. Here's my verdict.

I really liked it in the beginning. Then your grammatical errors were really getting to me, and the dialogue in the description. I understand that it was done in 1st person, but sometimes you had things in there that didn't need to be there. Things that just made it seem... dumb I guess. I'm not saying the writing is dumb, but sometimes it comes off as fake you know?

Here's one grammatical error that really got me. After Christi kissed Jaclyn in the bathroom at the skating rink, she goes after Jessie and says calls her a "stocker." A "stocker," is someone who stocks shelves. A "stalker" is someone who follows another person around.

When you're character speaks about the scene and such, and is doing the description, it shouldn't be done the same way they should talk. They shouldn't ask questions so much, and you should stop putting in so many interjections. Like when something happens that shouldn't and someone says "Damn," or "Double Damn" [I saw that one in there once] It kind of loses the whole feel of a story you know?

But other than that, I really liked your story line. I like how Jaclyn got along with Fransisco, her kind of step dad. And I like how her father wasn't abusive, just neglecting. You know, a lot of readers play up a lot on the exxageratedly abusive parents, I like when writers DON'T do that.

I have to admit, I'm glad that Jaclyn and Christi got together in the end, and whoa, Lin isn't a lesbian! Christi is bad news, she's going to make Jaclyn regret breaking up with Lin! But I'm kind of glad you didn't turn it into a happy ending, it was a twist.

I'm looking forward to reading some more of your writing. Just take heed to what I said, and you should do good, because you have good story ideas.

@.@; i think i just wasted my time reading this to find out Jac and Lin wont be together >_>; how evil of u =( Plz put a pairing on summary next time so i'll know what to expect *shakes her fist* lol or rewrite this chapter =P

come on now. i KNOW you write better than that! but it was still good and i will probably read it again...

Lol, yeah, well, not fast enough. And changing POV's is... Uhm... well, nevermind. If you want to describe everyone's feelings, just go third-person! I don't know why so many FP authors do that switching-POV bit. Because they're young, I imagine. lol

Well anyway, perhaps I'll check the sequel and see how far you've come in a year. :)

Hm. I haven't started it yet - but I checked out the reviews. Now I'm fearing a sad ending... and 25 chapters! For < 40,0 words? I take it the chapters are short.

It's also kind of scary seeing "you didn't know where the story was going" in there, because my first story was like that... and while the ideas were good (imho), yeah, the fic itself is embarrassing now.

Then again, someone else said it was too fast. And I like fast. Fast is my thing, actually. So I'm-a give it a go. :)

Now, i've loved this entire story...but you just broke my hear into a billion little pieces souly because this happend to me just this past week :( But good story hon.
-L.A.

*stares at you in horror* I've followed this story for over 15 chapters ( I think...) and this is what i get...T-T *bo*

oh well, lol, x_x its stuckie that Christi and Aralin are together >_

Have to be honest. I really did not like the way it turned out. Not just in the last chapters, in pretty much most of them.You turned it around and made it pretty crappy. If you wanted Christi and Aralin together I think a different approach should've been used. Can't really blame you though, I think you said a couple times that you had no clue where the story was going. Truth be told, I had no idea where it was going either. Thought it was going to be good, but guess not. I'm not knocking you as a writer, just this story. I'm still going to be a reader of yours, so I'll be waiting for your other stuff.

Um..I'm wondering why did you use Vietnamese not to like"Ew it's Vietnamese" because I'm Viet it's just that not a lot of people no it well answer me back:)

I was gonna review once i finish reading but...
god. This is the first femslash fic i've read cuz i didn't even know they existed... but i like it. i really do. I can relate to Jaclyn, i feel like her alot now, the confusion, and how you always have to tell your freinds 'no, no, i'm not!!' It's written well. (wish i could write as good as you...)Well. I still have to read the rest!! just had to review...
Iku

Wow =O Up date please =) short chapter, but *shrugs* good i'd say! and its a climb x too? =O

Loving this story, especially given its not aralin/jacyln 24-7. Looking forward to the next update.

Off to the side love intrest. Good.