Reviews for Beloved Stranger - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Beloved Stranger - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

Lyra Waterflame 2008-10-05 ch 9,	Cool fic. Please write more soon?
Mrs.Teacup 2007-10-20 ch 9,	WOW! That was yet another AMAZING chapter! Your description was AWESOME and I just loved everything about it! I think my favorite part was the end, cause it was so sweet!! I really LOVE this story and I can't wait to read more! UPDATE SOON!!
Serom Kim 2007-10-19 ch 9,	I have to say as I did for your last chapter that your writing is getting better. Only thing that I have to complain about is that some paragraphs are still awkwardly spaced, like the last few paragraphs. Particularly, the third to last paragraph, where Laney is asleep, could be moved with the one above it and the last two could be one paragraph. A reviewer who had read one of my stories pointed this out to me. Even though I don't agree with her completely, try not to put in too many adverbs. It gets awkward after a whle. Comma placement is improving, could use a bit more work though. Great job, I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
Serom Kim 2007-10-12 ch 8,	Finally, an update. It's been more than two months and I was worried that you might have stopped writing. Glad you haven't. You've made a lot of improvements with this chapter, it really shows. Not all of the sentences start with nouns anymore and are more varied. Repetition has also decreased and there isn't as much as there was in the previous chapters. Continue, this is getting interesting.
Fractured Illusion 2007-08-08 ch 1,	Almost all your sentences start with a noun (he/she/the person's name/the, etc) and that is bad. Just like you shouldn't repeat the same words all over again, you shouldn't repeat your sentence openers. Try to vary a bit. Spice up that writing. As for content, I wasn't too impressed :/ It doesn't give any hint of the mystery (which what I was here for) and I think that should be quite vital for a first chapter. Instead we some love-drama and the son, now 26, who is working too much. I don't get any mystery vibes. Cutting to the chase would be good. Stalling would not be. Just a suggestion. - Fractured Illusion
Serom Kim 2007-07-24 ch 7,	Wow, this chapter is pretty harsh ... so Laney knows about what her father did to her mother and to Josh's father? That must be hard for a little kid. Her father is a real jerk, though ... he must really hate women, or something like that, since he's forcing Laney to marry against her will and thinks that women doesn't belong in business ... He probably doesn't like anybody. Good chapter. Bit short, but still good, could you update sooner?
rise.and.shine 2007-07-24 ch 7,	I can't believe he slapped her. 0.0 Things are really boiling up! :)
Mrs.Teacup 2007-07-24 ch 7,	WOW! Poor Laney! :( I do want her to marry Josh, but I feel just awful for her! And it's even worse after reading the flashback! I can't believe Charles killed his wife! I REALLY have to read more(and I miss Josh), so PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
Serom Kim 2007-07-06 ch 6,	Wow ... he sure dropped the bombshell on Laney, huh? She knows Josh a little, though, so how exactly is she going to react when she hears who she's going to be married to? Laney and Josh have an eight year difference, right?
rise.and.shine 2007-07-06 ch 6,	Wow, this is great. I can't wait to find out what happens next.
Mrs.Teacup 2007-07-06 ch 6,	Aw, poor Laney! That would have to be AWFUL! :( Very good chapter! I REALLY can't wait to see what happens next! This is a very intriguing story! UPDATE SOON!
rise.and.shine 2007-06-24 ch 5,	I hooked and I can't wait for the next update.
Serom Kim 2007-06-20 ch 5,	Another good chapter in my opinion. Oh, you left us on a cliffhanger this time but you updated faster than usual. Same mistakes as before (structure and diction), other than that it's good.
Mrs.Teacup 2007-06-20 ch 5,	OH, OH, OH, OH, OH! I want to scream right now! I HAVE to know what happens! I can barely type right now because I'm so excited! Seriously! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE UPDATE SOON! I'm BEGGING You!
Mrs.Teacup 2007-06-20 ch 4,	AWESOME chapter! You did a really good job with your writing! I especially LOVED the last paragraph, the descriptions were amazing! I know that this is going to be an AWESOME story, just like all of your other ones! UPDATE SOON!

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