Apparently I said I would give more later, so here I am.

The rhythm and abrubtness of this poem reminds me so much of a rap. There are more than a few times when you break the rhythm tho, and I would encrouage you to find ways around it, because it's easier to read and understand when it sticks with the rhythm.

I really like the content, but I do think you could work on the progression of your poems. They usually end really well, with something dramatic or poignant, and the beginning usually hooks me, but the middle is all muddled. Planning it out a little more and having somewhere to go would help give your poem a little more direction.

But I really do like it. It's a good beginning. :)

me likes.

more laters.