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| simpleplan13 2007-09-01 ch 1,   | I like the ending.. slightly hopeful.. I also love the line "this heart that is an urn".. that was a great metaphor... glad to see you writing again... hopefully youll keep it up! |
| S.C. Preclarus Noctis 2007-05-30 ch 1, | Amazing as always. 8] |
| Aimee Raven 2007-05-29 ch 1, | Hiya, I'm glad you finally wrote something! It would be unfair to all your other poems that I so adore to say that I think this one is brilliant. I never lied when I said it before, so though this is undoubtedly very good, it's just...it lacks the usual special something I tend to find so wonderful about your work. I liked how tragic it seemed, but very determined and hopeful in the end...the whole idea of not giving up, of still believing, is fantastic. And I kept picturing a cremation in my head during the two first stanzas. I just found it somehow strained...the whole poem, but it's still very good and you're still so talented and better than I could ever hope to be :). Please write more! Love, Mia |
| Heather Montgomery 2007-05-29 ch 1, | Oh this is so gorgeous! I miss you writing things! I love this! It reminds me a little of Spring Awakening. |
| Ruarc 2007-05-29 ch 1, | You're right, it's not your strongest piece ever, but still quite certainly decent enough. A couple of the lines jumped out at me as kind of forced (But feel nothing but smoke; Keep in this heart that is an urn [too many syllables in the latter, maybe?]). Despite those, though, you touch on some interesting concepts in this, and I like them. "with eyes that say so much mreore than any word never spoken of previous impressions or every once desired token" I particularly liked that bit-- it's well phrased, and it flows quite well. Gave me a few jollies, you might say. |