FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Katterree Fengari 2007-05-30 ch 1,  | abuseI love your metaphors. I don't really understand the part in the parenthesis, unless it's on thinness and youth. I can't quite get the story, though this might be because I recently read a novel in which the main character was a woman losing ground because she was getting old, so I already had my mind going in a different direction... I really like the ending. I didn't initially connect 'pulse' to 'flatline', but I still knew what you meant. It seems strange to me- in the first stanza it seems a separation between the speaker and whoever the subject is, but in the second there's that 'us' and 'we'... I don't see how the repeted words helped( 'here' and 'we sail'); my eyes actually skipped over them. |