Um, interesting, but if you left spaces after commas and full stops then it would be a lot more easier on the eye, and a lot more easier to read. There are some spelling mistakes but nothing a good read through won't sort out. Hmm, and perhaps that first paragraph was just a tad too long, it would be easier to read if you broke up, but it is your story and you do with it as you wish, lol. I think you have a good idea here though.

oh...and...

YAY you spell doughnuts with the 'ough' and not just 'donuts', hehe. That made me smile...and Krispy Kremes are ick by the way, in my opinion.

Keep writing :)