Hey. I saw from your profile you’re after feedback to get this published so here’s my constructive criticism. Feel free to ignore anything and everything I mention.

~ ‘her straight brown hair swishing over her shoulders’ – I think it’s too soon to introduce her appearance. We don’t know anything about her character but that she has brown hair.

~ The opening paragraph is boring. It’s just Anna watching TV and laughing with her best friend. Not exactly the most thrilling thing I’ve ever read.

~ ‘She unclipped her pen from the binding, flipped to a page near the beginning of the book, and rapidly scribbled something down.’ – You really don’t need to mention every single action. Just ‘She flipped open the book and scribbled something down’ is short and concise but the same thing.

~ ‘Sighing, she clipped the pen to the wire binding again and let the notebook fall to the wood floor.’ – This is the second time she’s sighed in the space of two paragraphs. Also, note my comments above.

~ Personally I would lose the first two paragraphs and begin with Anna scribbling into her notebook and Rebecca asking her about it.

~ ‘It’s so nice to see her laughing again, she thought.’ – I like the way you hint at but don’t give away any reason why she wasn’t laughing before.

~ ‘Rebecca wiped her wet cheeks with the sleeve of her thin sweater as Anna drove off into the night.’ – This reads like Rebecca’s pov when it’s supposed to be Anna’s.

This is pretty good, although I’m not keen on the beginning. However I do think there is too much unnecessary description and too much step-by-step detailing. You also have an overabundance of adverbs. I don’t have too much feel on the characters or plot to comment on just yet. Not too shabby; keep it up.

~Marie Silver~

-stares blankly-

I was not expecting that...at all.
I mean . . . just wow...
Very good chapter.
Update soon!!

holy crap!
you're right, that was a twist. somehow, i only half-believe it, not only because i felt anna, too. as in, her character. but anyway. i see why this scared lavi!
but man! i wonder how rebecca is going to take this. i can see she's heading straight for denial, but even so, i partially see the logic coming from the doctors.
but i still think this isn't possible!
of course, you have some way to explain the details from earlier in the story so it all makes sense, but yeah it did shock me!
and thanks for the refresher! i'm glad i wasn't the only one feeling lost..i felt so evil for not remembering everything!
so guess what. i had to go BACK to ch8 (or 7?) to remember stuff, and so i quickly caught up on that, BUT u had to go in there at ch9 and save me the time AFTER i read it already xD my bad!
anyhow.
(u kno that EVERY SINGLE TIME i try to write 'anyhow' i type 'anywho' instead? ok, randomness over :D)
..SO!
no matter how hard i try to study your writing style in creating the mood and setting, i can't figure it out! what i mean is, you hardly got into much detail, but i still could picture the whole scene straight out.
that's skill! i mean, a compliment coming from me, which probably isn't much, anyway xD
but i'm not really impressed with this chapter!
you know why?
YOU NEED TO MAKE IT LONGER!! YOU'RE KILLING ME, HERE!
haha jk
i am very impressed :D
besides, if u made it longer then i would've lost the feel for it. kudos! :D
i hope this review helps! :D (it probably doesn't because i think i babbled through this whole thing :| :D)

Lovely job. You've got a serious talent!

Keep it up. I'm loving it :)

~Carm~

OMG!
Are you serious that was something i didnt see coming!
I was all like WOAH anna doesn't exist?? why? why? did you do this to me? ok i actually like the twist but i am complaining for the fun of it!
oh btw, sorry for not reviewing sooner...i am just so busy, i never get the time to even go on the computer!!
D: sad i know!
I am so looking forward for more chapters!!
:D

woohoo!
it's about time you got to that part
kk
i'll go write this stupid shipping news paper
ttyl

All I can say is that Wow, I didn't see that coming! Love the story though. Keep writing!

This seems interesting . . . and good intro of the story's main theme: Schizophrenia. You're on alert!

This is really good.
I've said that a lot o.0
Oh well, it's true.
Update soon!!

For some reason, I kind of imagined Rebecca sprinting to the sidewalk just in time.
Guess I was wrong.
Anyway, great chapter!
:)

This is really good! I mean REALLY, REALLY good!
You're very descriptive. I like it.
And this is only the first chapter. xD

...this is interesting. umm, some of it makes sense with what you told me, and some of it doesn't...but we'll talk about that at school or something. good chapter tho

update soon, btw.

Lovely, really lovely chapter.

Due to my current state of brain-dead-ness, I can't think of anything more intelligent to say, except that I loved this, and I'll be waiting for your next update :)

~Carm~

She has to have an operation?
Ahh man thats scary!
If Anna says she is her sister, aren't they gonna ask Anna for blood and then wouldn't she get caught?
(I know very random)
I hope we see more of Jason, even though I found him a tad bit creepy in the other chapter.
lol
:D
update soon!

hey, hey! me, vesta :D
finally! another update :D
of course, it wasn't the happiest one, but it finally gets interesting--she might have amnesia, she lost blood and needs a donor, aah!! what else?
and i don't get it, but you made this so real. i mean, there were good descriptions, but not enough to make me think i was really there, but no matter how little, i still feel like i'm there anyway! ..if that makes sense...
oh, this is a weird spot to end it. well, not weird i mean, but-you know, i mean, it was just a bit short, but not ending at a werid spot. it keeps the reader interested!
aka, me :D
of course, i am a very important person-- *vesta's conscience and susannah roll their eyes* *if her conscience had eyes...* --, so it's a good thing you kept me hanging :D
not that it's a happy spot or anything..-^ but you know.
aghh...i sound so happy even tho it's sad.
does that make me a bad person?'
well, i hope rebecca turns out okay!! :O
i DO NOT want to report you to to UAATC* !
trust me, you don't want that happening. i threatened to do so to anothrt author, and this time i won't hesitate!
so no more more to anna, okay? i can't take it!! ..the PAIN!!
well, thanks for an update after a long time :D i am leaving you an extra long review especially :D
haha, i just checked my FB, thanks for telling her happy bday :) but i'll leave the reply on your wall...
and i can't believe you hadn't written it yet! :O all this time i was waiting for a super long chapter...but was it writer's block or something? oh well :P
wuv,
-vesta
*Unauthorized Authors Abusing Their Children
[Children aka Characters]