Just to let you know... it seems that only registered members can actually comment on your stuff...

I just read chapter 0 and it sounds a lot like a blog, which at first kind of bugged me but in the long run makes everything sound more... real.

(I don't know if you want to actually use "surrey memorial"... can't think of a reason why not right now. it kind of gives me the heebie jeebies... but then again, I also live here.)

The fact that the character is framed for the shooting makes this a really cool chapter to start out with, and a pretty good cliffhanger/page turner.

you seemed worried about the blogginess, but people will quickly grow accustomed to it. Besides, how can it be so bad, when all people read nowadays is blogs. The big book store fad nowadays seems to be artsy high school notebook journals and other bloggy items.

Plus... (if you consider this a plus) the character of this chapter and his opinions are likely to ** people off...