FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Bobby Thrill 2007-06-02 ch 1,   | I like the action imagery- verbs always keep things moving. However, there were way too many questions in there. It didn't really sound inquisitive, it sounded gimmicky and a little bit annoying. I'm fairly sure that this is only because you in two places ended two consecutive lines with a question mark, when the sentence carried over for both lines. That would be like someone saying 'Are the fish in the tank? In the living room?' Unnecessary. I did like the lines ''I'm not afraid'/That's my chant,' and overall, the whole thing was pretty charming, though the overuse of question marks makes it less deep than you probably intended. That said, this is an interesting subject, but ultimately, completely misunderstood. The whole 'dream or reality?' question is based on the idea of objectivity- something that doesn't finitely exist. Whether or not we're all brains in jars filtering chemical messages is irrelevent, because the subjective is the only truth we really have. It's what we operate in. If your reality was a dream, would it be any less real to you? No. The only reason to believe it would be is a faith in the triumph of 'objective fact', which in philosophy, can't be verified and is not present. |
| Practical Cat 2007-06-02 ch 1, | I'd hope it's just a dream! Keep writing! |