Yay! Good chapter Ziza! Ha! No more guilt trips for me not reading your story. Hm. I think you should finish your letter though!

good first chapter! i'm gonna keep reading =)

great chapter! it was so sweet and adorable! can't wait for another update!

"I hope you’re still likening the story." er...I am I suppose. but what exactly do you hope I'm likening it to?

"“English breakfast experience”" I don't htink breakfast in england is that much different from here. it's not like in italy or soemthing where breakfast consists entirely of pastries, and coffee with cream and sugar since that's the only time of day when you can get it.

"“The clouds are so beautiful and the blue of the sky is so, well blue," is she stoned? I have never heard anyone over the age of eight comment on the degree to which the sky is blue unless they were high out of their mind.

write more soon, this is getting really good, I can't wait to find out what happens.

I barely saw anything here that needed revision.

"It was mid afternoon and she could almost see the humidity rising off the asphalt, but everything was so unique and diverse that Sadie didn’t care." if you're going to use a pronoun first, then stick with that, or use the name first, and then pronouns.

"I'm acting as if I’m in middle school again" 'like' would sound better than 'as if'.


"With a little over three hours to burn before she was supposed to meet Ezra in the lobby" why in the name of summer break, sanity, and all that is realistic would she get up this early?

"The blouse was loose but flattering and Sadie always left the only buttons, nearest to the neck, unbuttoned to show off her collar bone. if they're the only buttons, then they might be near, but they're not nearEST, since 'est' is relative to something else.

"it had not been one of her most memorable experiences." apparenlty is was quite memorable given that nearly half the chapter is given over to it, either switch and say it WAS memorable, or indicate that she doesn't particularly want to remember it. I'd go with the former, since it's said later that she beleives in holding on to memories.

"Sam was a prodigal musician, especially as a pianist." um...he may be a prodigy, and I'm sure you can re-write this sentence to say so (possibly 'musical prodigy'?), but prodigal is something different altogether...I do not think it means what you think it means...

"Two small jovial children skipped ahead of their parents" I'm not sure about this...I don't normally think of children as being jovial...also, normally one does something jovially, rather than being jovial.

"to some it might be considered boring, to Sadie it was heaven!" this reflects a theme that I've noticed. Sadie really seems to hate the privilage that she comes from. While I realise that this is mostly about identity differentiation from her parents, it doesn't seem very realistic. None of the rich kids I know hate their lifestyle this much. Then again, they're rich city kids who get regular exposure to 'the other side' whereas she grew up in suburbia. Even so, I think it seems a little overdone, and I find it hard to identify with her perspective.

"and left her with a feeling akin to satisfaction." why is it only 'akin' to satisfaction? unless she's clinically depressed or something, I think she'd be actually satisfied.

"her parents would call the police and report her missing if she didn’t call soon." this seems a little contradictory to your later depictions of them as unloving and money obsessed.

"Sadie winched at the familiar greeting" a winch is something altogether different, having to do I beleive with rope and pully systems...did she, perhaps, wince?

"which would mean checking out of the hotel at 4:20ish." 4:20 carries some specific implications. Unless you're going to be following through on those, I'd reccomend changing it to 4:15 or 4:30.

"It’s not all fun and games but unlike you, Claire, I don’t have to whine about it.”" Claire has every right to whine, and while it was perhaps unkind of her to pout her juice on Sadie for something that wasn't her fault, rich girls jsut need to have things poured on them from time to time. It even's the score a little.

"she had “accidentally” spilt her juice on Sadie Nolen." she didn't even pretend it was an accident, so I don't think there's really any reason to have the "accidentally" there at all.

"A vivid nearly fluorescent shade of pink" there should be a comma between vivid and nearly, I really like this description though.

Sorry if I was a bit hostile in the previous 2 reveiws...I was tired...

This is MUCH better than the chapters before it. I've pointed out a few places where you might want to make some changes though.

"she wasn’t used to awakening in such foreign surroundings." "such foreign" kinda makes it sound like she's...I dunno, in the middle of the desert or something. If it's really that unfamillier to her then this is fine, otherwise conseder changing it to just "unfamillier".

"nearly causing herself to literally roll out of bed" the first half of this sentence also ended with 'out of bed'. Since it could manage without it, I reccomend that you change it to "she slowly pushed herself up, nearly causing herself to literally roll out of bed." obviously the double 'herself' is a little awkward too, butI can't see any way around it.

"Sadie felt something tickling her knew." I assume you meant knee instead of knew. I would jsut leave it off altogether though, since you were jsut talking about her knees in the previous sentence.

"He leaned forward toward Sadie and placed a kiss on her lips." 'forward' OR 'toward Sadie', not both, it sounds weird.

"But what was done was done, it was in the past, and now, in the present, it was time for coffee." I really love this line...I don't know why, but it's just really awesome.

"she could’ve hightailed it to any Latin American country or even Spain and done just dine." I beleive you meant 'fine' not 'dine'?

"except, eventually for the eldest daughter Sadie, who discovered she was not." this sounds weird...if you need to have eventually, put it after who, so "except, for the eldest daughter Sadie, who eventually discovered she was not." also, keep in mind, this sounds rather as though she discovered that she was not in the Nolen familly, rather than that she wasn't happy. if that's the case then okay, otherwise you may want to change or just completely delete this sentence.

"ten new emails each from a concerned loved one" concerned loved one unspecified? I think it should either be specific i.e. 'from her mother' or plural 'from concerned loved ones.'

I love this story, it's really great. I love your style of writing, it's very descriptive and I can picture everything that's going on... can't wait to read more, hopefully you'll update soon!
:D

this chapter's better, I'll give you that, but it still could use a lot of improvement.

"Soon the musical montage got irritating and Sadie opted for silence." geh...find a way to rephrase without the word 'silence' in it. also, what is a 'musical montage' I mean, aside from a really weird aliteration?

" She heaved here only bag onto her shoulder" first off, you meant 'her' not 'here' second, if there's only one, you don't need to specify that it's the only one, unless it's her only REMAINING bag, (i.e. she had others, and doesn't anymore.)

"but it didn’t have a plasma screen, or Egyptian cotton bedding, or even marble bathroom tiles imported from ital, just to name a few." um...itally, not 'ital' and leave off 'just to name a few' it's unncesarry and weakens the sentence. What is Egyptian cotton anyway? And if she's trying to avoid expenses, what's she doing in a middle class hotel? I trust we'll be seeing a lot more 'unkempt and horrendous' as she gets better with this thing we call reality?

"The reflection of the queen sized bed with the sun faded flowered comforter next to the wooden desk shown in the screen of the average sized TV" we're talking about the TV screen here, not the excact deatils of what it's reflecting, and we definetly don't need to know about the desk, I understand the need to describe her surroundings, but saying "the sun faded comforter (or the flowered comforter, but not both) was reflected in the screen of an average sized TV." if the desk, or the sise of the bed, become imprtant later, talk about them then.

"would have scoffed at the side of it" sight, not side.

"She let the cool water envelop her body" d'you not use spell check or something? Envelope has an 'e' on the end.

"Now that she was 18, Sadie also realized that she wouldn’t even have to be classified as a runaway." ok, not a big thing, but instead of 'also' say 'now that she was 18, sadie realized, " also, 'even'? is it really so inevitable? is this some upper-middle class thing that I don't get? Unless her parents report it, she's not a runaway if she's over 16, and while she might be if she was younger, the police wouldn't go after her unless she had a run report.

This is interesting, but I won't say it's good. I like the premise, I like the ending, but the writing is painfully bad; cluttered, and bland. I've pointed out what I think should change, and how...please consider my suggestions, and be thankful that I'm correcting it, before it falls into the hands of someone with less patience and a sharper tounge.

"She was suddenly thankful, aside from the multitude her other emotions playing hide and seek, especially the pang of anger and remorse that had currently taken up residency in the pit of her stomach." this sentence is to long and too complicated, for an essentially parenthetical remark, either get rid of it, or reduce it drasticall so we can pay attention to the important data on either side. I realise you probably really wanted to say how her other multitude of emotions were playing hide and seek, but really now.

"Grateful that the car had no bow on the roof and did have gas in the tank." the theme so far has been 'thankful' not grateful, changing it so they all match will make it stronger.

"Sadie was also up mostly appreciable that neither her parents nor the maid" 'up mostly appreciable'? perhaps she was simply 'most apreciative'? appreciable means the same thing as noticable, or significant and not only does 'mostly noticable' not make sense in context, it doens't make sense at all!!

"Each had a briefcase or purse in one hand and a thermos the size of an oatmeal can, full of coffee, in the other. " this is totally meaningless, get rid of it.

One other thing, while I like the premise, I find it unrealistic. Who, in there right mind, would run away from happy suburban life. She has a big house, and health insurance, and no gunshots outside the wondows, what more does she want?!?! Then again, maybe I'm jsut jaded from growing up in the 'bad neighborhood' and I've always said that kids from suburbia don't know how good they have it. I will read the rest of it, and probably give an equally prolific comentary there.

I think you mean the name of this story to be Prologue... since the epilogue takes place at the end of a book. Good job though!! Heh, soon you will learn to value reviews as much as I do. I am very pleased you decided to post you story on here!