THis is probably a really great story. However. You have massive tense errors. These errors cause the flow of the reading to be difficult. and trips people up.

I'll Leave you with some examples and also a tip.

Never put 10,0 of anything into one chapter. Even if this is a short story. You need to break this up into smaller chunks for the purpose of this web site. 1500-30 30 being a little high 2500 is tolerable. 20 is perfect.

Examples from other reviews I've written but I think it fits.

"Aunt 'has' been paying for him until he 'reached' the age of 16.”"
this is an example of what I was talking about in the last review. The 'has' and the does not flow because of the tense error.
"Johny 'has' three apples and 'took' them all home to be 'eaten'."
(STOP) ok don't read the next line until you can find the problems with the tenses.
All the quoted words show tense. Its actually too easy.



Seriously don't read past here if you didn't at least try.
Only one of the quoted words was incorrectly tensed. It was "has" so the sentence should be,
"Johny had(Has is wrong and have is wrong) three apples and took(Takes is wrong) them all home to be eaten(eat is wrong, ate is wrong).

good luck