Well there's definitely some great writing here- your figurative language is gorgeous. I can definitely relate to the whole tilting universe thing, although I had never thought of describing it like that. I can't quite tell how close the narrator is to you- are you writing as yourself or someone completely made up, or someone in the middle of those two? I'm not really getting a strong personality from the character- a definite voice, but no real character traits. The prose style sort of makes it all seem more boring than it is; have you considered rewriting it in a more poetic form?

I stumbled across these 'snapshots' and fell utterly in love. You have such a melodic, paced, writing style that really puts you in the perspective of the narrator, as if we're looking through her eyes. (I'm assuming the narrator is a her, though I don't really remember if you've confirmed this)

I can't say I have a favorite because all in all, the message you send out with each update is beautiful on its own. I have to admit, I have moments like these myself, where I feel like I'm the only one in on a sudden enlightenment. And then I blink and everything is back to normal.

But, I see what your narrator and you mean and you do a great job of explaining them. Hope you update soon!

Really, really good. Good, clear writing; you don't try to do too much with it, either, which I like. It just sort of is, and reading it is like a short exercise in people-watching. I love it.

Hi!
Dude, thanks for thanking me. I feel all special inside. :)
Okay, so this was pretty powerful and consuming. I mean, I've felt that before, when you and so many other people are suddenly united and you can just feel it, the exact moment it happens, when it seems like everybody's breathing and screaming and moving in sync. It's euphoric. Every time I get it, I feel so amazed, like the human race suddenly skyrocketed in worth because we have the ability to tune in to each other and move as one. God, it's great. I thought you portrayed the whole thing really well, but there are a few things I would point out. For one, you didn't focus on the shift as much this time. That's not a problem, but I just thought you might want to add like one more sentence in there when the world tilts, so we know that the instant has happened and that things have changed. The other thing I would add is that all through the piece the language is strong, the unity is strong, and you know just when to cut short and when to cut loose. But towards the end, it gets a little choppy. It feels kind of like we lose the energy. Perhaps changing the team motto to something more in tune with the theme of unity? Or, you know, I think what really breaks it up is the inserts between the motto. They just don't work as well as I think you need them to if they're going to support the entire chapter. For example, "We are the essence of team" followed by "We are a team". It seems, for one, a little too cheerleader-esque, and for two, repetitive. I thought the lines about pain being all you feel and focus on, and ceasing to need air or rest were more powerful, simply because they're things you hear when you talk about sacrifice rather than when you're in a pep talk. All in all, there are chapters I've liked better, but I still think this is phenomenal. Keep up the great work.
Love, Sekhra

I love the way this is written. It's sort of detached from everything. The world from a different point of view. I can really relate to this. The descriptions are so lovely, you can almost feel the words. The rain is descibed perfectly and I think a lot of people could understand the magic of it. The refreshing feeling. You did a great job with this. Can't wait to read more.

Aw, I feel loved! *Warm and fuzzy feeling so sickening that everyone moves ten feet away-- minimum*
Okay, once again, you use words and phrases that I absolutely adore. Why can't I come up with any of these? :( I should start making a list of them. It would be dominated by yours, but would also have one from ChiJoy that I can't seem to forget: 'Insta-lust'. Heh...
- 'shadowsilk' is just absolutely breathtaking. AND it's the perfect way to describe that look after the fireworks go out and you can see the smoke against the sky.
- 'fireworks are like people'... this whole idea is really cool, and it gives this entry the same kind of intuitive philosophy that I love reading in all the other bits. and then when you talk about how they can't be, how people are multi-faceted, it's just so beautiful and so TRUE. I love it. But I think the last line in that paragraph, the one that begins with spiderwebs, is a little too complex. There's too much changing imagery, and it's hard to keep up with all the shifting. So I would either break that one down into smaller pieces or make the imagery more relative-- i.e. instead of going from spiderwebs in the rain to bleached spokes to dew and mirrors, maybe go from spiderwebs in the rain to something like drifting spidersilk hanging from the broken pieces of web or the insect carcasses wrapped up-- something a little more spiderwebby but still with that 'tarnished' image-- and then to the dew on the web and from there to the mirrors. So it would be like spider spider spider mirrors. I hope that makes sense.
- the butterfly/chrysalis image is lovely, but I think it kind of gets lost because a) it follows other strong imagery and b) compared to the preceding imagery, the language is weaker and gets left behind. So instead of saying 'butterflies emerging from their chrysalises, only backwards' I would say something like 'butterflies collapsing into chrysalises' or something more dramatic.
- That final line, where you go back on your reasoning once again, is super super cool and a great way to end.

Beautiful, once again. I am so in love with your word choices-- protean, and that shaking-hands-with-your-shadow simile. It's really great how when you describe these world-tilts, it completely comes across in your writing. I feel like I've felt it happen before. And that contrast between the suit and the homeless people was sublime. Also, it's kind of funny, because your description of the weather fits perfectly with here, though your setting is Pittsburgh and mine is Portland (Oregon, not Maine). Please keep adding to this.

"Like the universe tilts and I'm the only one that feels it."

Favorite line ever.

Wow. This is absolutely beautiful, and I wish that more of FictionPress was like this. It's unique, eloquent, and it changes the way people percieve life around them. That's what I think writing should be about.
I love the terms you use-- 'cloud-pinning' and 'world tilts' and such. Not only are you correct grammatically, but you actually USE the English language. So thanks. It's both depressingly and fantastically refreshing. (Depressing because using the English language shouldn't be THAT much of a feat.)
The only thing I would change is in the first chapter, when you say "Sorry to interrupt" followed by "Uh, sorry, but no." I would change that last to just "Uh, no." and then you wouldn't have that weird repetitive 'sorry'.
Please continue writing your snapshots. I really appreciate your little moments of time.

You're off to a great start to this story. I get those moments too, and your 2nd chapter really reminded me of what my school was like today. I'd love to see more of this.

You know, it's kind of refreshing to see another writer on here who knows proper grammar. It sounds SO terrible, and you probably think I'm a ** now, but it's how I feel, so yeah.

And is it just me and my weirdness, or is it normal to relate to that whole universe-tilting thing? I don't know, but I do. Meh.

This is really good, and I'm interested. You're a great writer:]

Waiting for more.

I like this so far, honestly I do =]
It made me smile, because this kind of sense of humour really appeals to me. Keep it up!

I loved this. I don't know if you were writing this from fiction or this happens to you, but I can totally relate. I like that it has dry humor also.