FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Esquirella 2007-08-01 ch 2,  | abuseThis is cool! Need more! |
| kiki 2007-08-01 ch 2, anon. | abuselooking forward to the next update |
| blackflamesofdoom 2007-06-07 ch 1, | abusekinda' sad but good writing |
| Sunako-el-sacary-fair-lady 2007-06-05 ch 1, | abusetotally love it. hope u update soon. ^_^ |
| Preethy 2007-06-05 ch 1, anon. | abuseI love it!! |
| Wolfhusky 2007-06-05 ch 1, | abuseYou've done a really great job grabbing the reader's attention and keeping it. There were a few, tiny grammatical errors, but only one really made it hard for me to interpret. Toward the beginning of the flashback you wrote, "“I swear one of these days…this daydreaming of yours is going to get you in serious trouble. And I for one will not care if you.”" There's something missing at the end there. You were really good at the descriptions, making it easy for the reader to picture, but I did feel some of it was slightly rushed. There could have been a little more detail here and there. Otherwise, overall excellent work. I hope I don't sound too harsh or anything, but I always found it more helpful to get critiques rather than just a pat on the back. |