FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Katalystic 2007-06-21 ch 2,  | abuse"to the health, i say, of the world’s people in chains, everywhere. …including me, bound in your snares." Not sure if the rhyme is intentional, but I love this stanza for that and its syntax. Very nicely done. Makes me wish I understood French. - Kat |
| Zure 2007-06-19 ch 1, | abuseHey, i said i'd review...this one won't amount to much [at the moment i am looking through the different pieces you've got up here, trying to figure out which one i can actually say something intelligent for - gosh, that's a bad sentence] okay, french is like, my third language, and poetry isn't my forte, but you may be able to conjugate the last line to... "j'espere que tu me souviendrais"? erk. i think i may have killed all the french grammar books in the world. Secondly, i have some pretty staunch ideas about poetry, one of which involves the belief that poetry greatly suffers and gets lost in translation. Anyway, i'll stop her because i'm not helping any. |
| x.Insanely Serene.x 2007-06-08 ch 2, | abuseIt was cute, really vivid - i guess beautiful is the best word |
| caralita 2007-06-07 ch 2, | abusei think the poem is pretty in both languages! you're very gifted, and this stanza "my goddess with gilt hair and the sea in her eyes, this is your home, this is your country. wales, your country; me, this country’s dreamer who loves you, who loves how you smile in the same manner as a child, ready and free." is my favorite :) i'll definately be reading more of your work |
| Val C 2007-06-07 ch 1, | abuseTouchant comme récit. Il y a beaucoup d'attentes et d'espoir qui en ressorte. Je trouve un peu des chaant Youkali et Amsterdam dans tes vers. Je t'encourage à continuer, car c'est vraiment beau. |
| hey maria 2007-06-06 ch 2, | abuse"to the health, i say, of the world’s/people in chains, everywhere./…including me, bound in your/snares." I loved those lines, because it seemed that the mood changed significantly between the second and third. I don't think the ellipse was necessary, but that might be only a personal preference. It reads as a very honest, admiring letter. It's very well-written; nice job. I think that with translations, the original tends to be best and that's something that can't be helped. I wish I could understand the French version, but I only got bits and pieces. |