Reviews for Beauté Cachée: Éclipse

Jesusfreak43091 2008-06-22 ch 1,	abusei think that my favorite thing about this is the last two lines, i really really like those! if not pertaining to the poem, they could pertain to many different things, so i think that's cool in my opinion it doesn't flow very well...with the format you have it just seems like it should rhyme or something...idk
Dr. Canning 2007-08-21 ch 1, anon.	abuseyou asked for constructive criticism, here it is: in the first line, you don't need to say "to start the day." if dawn is coming, it's understood that the day will begin. Less is more. Don't waste words they are valuable. You say "and" too many times. Replace some of the ands with commas, or maybe dashes. Line 7, remove "see" and add an "s" at the end of engulf. How does this sound for lines 11&12. "The darkness hides the sun,/ as its light tries to escape." In the last line, replace "but" with "for" what do you think. it changes the meaning, but it adds something nice. these are just suggestions. the poem is good, just needs some rearrangements.
I Saw The Rain 2007-06-09 ch 1,	abusei liked it, but it doesnt really read like a poem. try to work on the flow of this and reword it a little...make the statements more...poetic instead of having it sound like something that one would say in conversation.