Well, considering you don't have any mentions of chocolate... or my factory... it isn't bad. It's quite nice, quite light like the new chocolate mix i just recently created. Good job! M

hey this is really good. i like the way the style reflects the subject matter. like you make it sound remote and dreamlike and don't put any human perspective and emotion in it which would have totally taken away from the point of the poem. love it! good work! i'll make sure it's published in Trouser magazine!

This was rather pretty. I especially like

"I journey into the violet heavens,
a multitude of luminous lights"

But the whole poem was lovely. Nice work.

While this has a certain pretty "lovely" aspect to it, there's little of substance. You've got the description, nice imagery thing down, but you're still missing when it comes to solid feeling and emotion. I'd suggest giving this a little more feeling to it to make it feel more personal and human. It's well-written, beautiful, but rather bland.