That was absolutely amazing... The emotin you expressed in so few lines, ins such a poetic way, the metaphors, oh the metaphors. I especially liked "Would have torn my heart in two, and given whichever was the biggest half to you." and the whole stanza starting with "but no. You don't have to leave."
I mean, this entire piece just got better and better and never stopped till the end, a truly climatic piece of writing which I so rarely come by and rarely am able to write.
But, the one criticism that I have... Don't ruin the artistry of all those words by imagning it as a rap... unless we are thinking of different kinds of rap... I could see it as a rock song, or something rchestral almost, maybe alternative-based, or even something R&B-ish, but please not rap...
That's my two cents.

If these are lyrics to a song whichi is wht i believe you said they are then i think that they could be great. I loved your metaphor in comparing yourself to a lonely merry-go-round, it was breathtaking. I might use that myself sometime. I loved it. (if it was song lyrics, if it was a poem there was no real rythem). Like i said it was really good.